Listening Skills – Doug Dickerson on Leadership

Are You Listening?

Posted November 14, 2022January 13, 2023
by admin

There is a difference between listening and waiting your turn to speak – Simon Sinek

Dana Visneskie tells the story of a Native American and his friend in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening.

Suddenly, the Native American said, “I hear a cricket.” His friend said, “What? You must be crazy. You couldn’t possibly hear a cricket in all this noise.”

“No, I’m sure of it, the Native American said. “I heard a cricket.” “That’s crazy,” said the friend.

The Native American listened carefully and then walked across the street to the big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located the cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. “That’s incredible,” said his friend. “You must have super-human ears!” “No,” said the Native American. “My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you’re listening for.”

It was not surprising to read in a Business News Daily article that in a study, 64% of 675 professional workers in the U.S. and Canada who were polled said that “leaders making decisions without seeking input” was the biggest problem. If that were not bad enough, the article added that 38% of respondents said that “leaders dismissing ideas without exploring those ideas” is the second biggest reason why people don’t take initiative.

And herein lies the problem – the disconnect if you will, between leaders who do not listen and why people are not more engaged in their work. If those in leadership simply do not listen or dismiss ideas out of hand, where is the incentive to be more engaged?

Consistently in any employee engagement survey or reading on the topic, it will almost always identify listening as one of the major concerns on the minds of its respondents – and rightfully so. Until we can get this right, it’s going to be hard to make tangible progress anywhere else.

So how can a leader develop this important skill and increase their influence regardless of where they serve? I believe it comes down to a few key concepts that when put into practice can pay great dividends.

Be proactive

A good leader will always listen to his or her people. But a proactive leader will initiate the conversations. A proactive leader has his finger on the pulse of the organization and will not sit back and wait for people to come to him, but will move toward the people.

A proactive leader is essentially a proactive listener. Click To TweetThis means that the leader is actively engaged with his or her people and sees this engagement as a means to better serve the organization.

Proactive leaders are asking and listening to questions such as: What can we do to improve our product or service? What can we do to improve our culture? What resources do you need? What happens if we don’t change? How can I help you?

By asking proactive questions you keep your pulse on what’s happening, what your people are thinking, and how to best serve them.

Be present

Your ability to listen is predicated by your ability to be present in the moment. This is done by being fully engaged and removing all distractions. By doing this, your people will know that they are important and that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

Leaders who are present in the moment and are actively listening stand to gain a lot of insight that would otherwise be missed. Leaders who are present are asking questions like: Currently, what is your greatest challenge? If you could change one thing, what would it be? As a team, do you believe that we are moving in the right direction? What do I need to know that I don’t? What are your growth goals and how can I help you achieve them?

Be prepared

As a leader, you need to be asking key questions of your people and listening. It’s not something that you do to appease your people and give the impression that you care only to walk away and not act on it. Your people do not need or want your lip service.

Leaders who listen should be prepared to act on what they’ve heard. The only thing worse than not being engaged and listening to your people is to have those conversations and not act on them. Click To Tweet As a leader, you need to be prepared to listen and then act.

Final Thoughts

Bryant H. McGill said, “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” And this will always be one of your greatest challenges as a leader. So make it a point to be proactive, be in the moment, and be prepared to act on what you’ve heard. You’ll be the better leader for it and your people will greatly appreciate it.

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Bring Back Meaningful Conversations

Posted January 13, 2019
by admin

The most fruitful and natural exercise for our minds is, in my opinion, conversation. – Michel de Montaigne, The Essay: A Selection

As I was being escorted to a table in a restaurant not long ago, I passed by a family seated at a long table. There must have been five or six gathered around. What struck me as I passed by was not that they were all together or that they were laughing and talking and otherwise engaged with one another. Sadly, it was an all too familiar sight.

Every person at the table had their smartphone device in their hand and was using it. No conversations were taking place. It was just a group of people sitting together, but very far removed from one another.

According to Google, a survey by Pew Research Center revealed that many people find phone usage during dinner obnoxious. Of those people surveyed, 88 percent think it is okay to use a phone during dinner and 82 percent thinks that using a phone in social settings can hurt conversations.

I realize that we are addicted to our devices. I am clear-eyed in my understanding that it’s just a part of the fabric of our culture for better or worse.

Be it because of our electronic devices or any other distractions that come along, we are increasingly losing the art of meaningful conversation. It takes a toll on relationships, and yes, it can take a toll on your leadership if you are not careful.

Writing in his book, Didn’t See It Coming, bestselling author, Carey Nieuwhof devotes a chapter as to why so many us feel alone and to the demise of genuine conversation. He writes about what many have come to know. He writes:

“Sadly, conversations seem to be developing into an exchange of monologues among people who don’t seem terribly interested in one another. People today appear to be talking at one another more than they’re talking with one another. Next time you’re in a conversation with someone, wait to see how often you get asked a question.”

What about you? What’s been your experience with this issue?

From a leadership point of view, I believe having meaningful conversations is one of the key ingredients to developing effective leadership skills. Here’s why I think it so important and why we must return to them.

Meaningful conversations put you squarely in the moment

Unlike an email that can be put off or an incoming call or text that can be ignored, meaningful face to face conversation puts you in the moment as nothing else can Click To Tweet. It’s your chance to give someone else your undivided attention. Be in the moment.

Meaningful conversations give you the necessary context

There’s just no substitute for meaningful conversations. It gives you the advantage of understanding fully from the source in a way that other forms of communication can’t deliver. Meaningful conversation strips away any chance of misunderstanding when you’re engaged with the source. Leadership in context is invaluable. Click To Tweet

Meaningful conversations teach you to slow down and listen

Leaders are busy people. Too busy at times. But when you engage in meaningful conversation it’s sharpening this all-important leadership skill. Too often our thoughts are elsewhere and we are not really tuned in when talking with our people. Meaningful conversations are not rushed. They’re thoughtful. It may try your patience or seem inconsequential to you, but it can make all the difference to the one you are conversing with. Slow down and listen.

Meaningful conversations enhance trust

Nothing can build trust like meaningful conversations. They accomplish more than the tech devices that supposedly making communicating easier. Trust is the glue that binds your organization together and gives your leadership the credibility its due. Don’t allow your busy schedule or other demands rob you of this most essential leadership ingredient. Initiate meaningful conversations. Have meaningful conversations. Build trust.

Meaningful conversations are all about relationships

The secret sauce in leadership is relationships. It’s all about people. The depth of your relationships in large part depends upon the depth of your conversations. Let the focal point of your conversations be more about the people you lead. Listen more. Talk less. When the people you lead have your ear, you will have their heart. Click To Tweet Don’t pretend it’s all about you. It’s not. You will build stronger relationships by having more meaningful conversations.

It’s time to get back to meaningful conversations. Your leadership depends on it.

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Leadership In A Word: Listening

Posted June 11, 2018October 10, 2018
by dougdickerson

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. – Bryant H. McGill

A word about listening

Listening. Yes, I know, it’s a leadership topic that’s been tackled by the best of them for a very long time. But read up on any of the current writings about employee engagement, bad bosses, what causes people to leave their jobs, etc., and usually in the mix somewhere is the issue of listening – or the lack thereof.

At its core, listening is one of the most basic soft skills in leadership. If offered, it would be a 101 leadership course in college. Unfortunately, it’s not.

I asked an aspiring manager in a prominent retail chain some time ago what was the most frustrating thing she dealt with as it related to her direct reports. Without hesitation, she conveyed that they just don’t listen. How many of you can relate to her plight?

As leaders, intuitively we know that listening is a priority. Yet, our lives are structured in such a way that listening is an afterthought. Simply put, we are just too busy. Unfortunately, many leaders make the mistake of believing it’s more important that they are heard, therefore, failing at one of the most important things that they can do – listen.

Here are three reminders on why listening is a key ingredient to your leadership. I hope that it is helpful to you.

Listening empowers your people

If you want your people to feel empowered then listen to them. So long as they feel that they have a voice and it’s being respected and heard then you will win them over. When your people are empowered they will go to great lengths to serve you and your organization. Listening creates buy-in. It’s a momentum builder. If you want to empower you people listen to your people. Click To Tweet

Listening keeps you grounded

This is the trap that far too many leaders fall into. It’s when you stop listening that you lose touch with what’s going on around you. When you stop listening to all voices and only a few voices, then how can you truly benefit? Soon, the only voices you hear are the ones telling you only what you want to hear. When this happens, your leadership is diminished. Keep the doors to your leadership open with your ears and with an open mind. Often time the best ideas and input flow into your office, not out of it. Click To Tweet

Listening keeps you connected

Much like staying grounded, listening keeps you connected to your people. You never want to be so far removed from your people that you don’t hear their heartbeat. To listen to your people is to know your people. When you stop listening to your people, you stop knowing your people. Don’t be so far removed from their heartbeat that they no longer hear yours. Because if you do, then you are only presiding over your own demise as a leader. Stay close, stay connected, and keep listening.

Listening quotes

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemmingway

“There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak”. – Simon Sinek

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. – Stephen R. Covey

“If the person you are talking to does not appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear”. – Winnie the Pooh

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking”. – Bernard M. Baruch

A final word

The only way listening becomes a strong leadership skill is when we become intentional about it. Remove distractions. Show respect. Put your cell phone away. Look your people in the eye and let them talk. These are just basic courtesies that we need to return to. But we have to look past the basic “how-to’s” and get to a deeper understanding of the greater benefits and how listening impacts us as leaders.

What do you say?

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Leadership Essentials: Communicating with Clarity

Posted July 14, 2016
by admin

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The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. – Peter Drucker

A worker asked for a pay raise and got this note back from his supervisor: “Because of the fluctuation predisposition of your position’s productive capacity as juxtaposed to standard norms, it would be momentarily injudicious to advocate your requested increment.” The puzzled worker went to the supervisor and said, “Is this is about my pay raise I don’t get?” “That’s right,” said the supervisor.

As a leader one of the most important skills you will develop is communication. Unfortunately, it’s becoming one of the hardest skills to develop. The reasons for this vary. On the bright side, technology has increased our ability to communicate like never before. On the down side, conversational and social skills have waned because we prefer to text or send an email- thus avoiding actual human interaction.

Communicating with clarity is important for you as a leader. Those you lead don’t need to be like the man in the story above trying to figure out what you are saying. Here are a few simple guidelines to keep in mind going forward.

Keep it simple

Avoid as much as possible all the fancy corporate jargon. Keep it simple. Your goal here is not to impress people with your vocabulary but to inspire your team with your words and actions.

Keep it pithy

Don’t waste your people’s time with never ending meetings and chasing proverbial rabbits. The longer things drag out the more your people tune out. Have an objective, stick to it, and get going.

Be transparent

Nothing will endear your people to you more than to by being open and honest about where you are personally, where things are as an organization, and by reminding your people of the vision and the role they play in fulfilling it.

Be inclusive

Clarity is essential throughout your organization. As the leader you need to make sure everyone knows your heart and that you have their backs, and that they have all the knowledge and information they need to be successful.

Know when to speak, and speak on purpose

When communicating with your people it is important that you have a reason and purpose behind it. What you say and how you say it is important. What a team members “hears” and interprets may be very different from said and meant. Before you speak, think it through and put yourself in their shoes.

Know when to shut up

I’ve saved the most important for last. Clarity comes to us best not when we are speaking but when we are listening. The most powerful communication skill you have is your silence and your open mind. It is when you listen to your people that you have your greatest moments of clarity. Someone once said, “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.” That’s great advice.

Communicating with clarity is essential to your success as a leader. Use these guidelines as starting points and build upon them. Your success as a leader depends upon it.

What tips would you add?

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Leadership Minute: Fluffy People

Posted November 2, 2014
by admin

If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. – A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh puts a kind spin on some of the people you will deal with as a leader. You know the type. They seemingly go through the motions of listening but deep down you know they have fluff in their ears. As a leader communication is important. What you say, how you say it, and making sure the message gets through is essential to your success. If you are like me at times, patience is not your best virtue, so you don’t like to waste time repeating yourself. There are times when it’s not the message or the recipient that’s at fault – it’s the timing. Make sure that your communication is carefully planned so as to maximize delivery and increase reception. Remember, communication is a two-way street and not everyone is be tuning you out, so don’t blame it on the fluff.

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Leadership Minute: Listen Up

Posted May 2, 2014
by admin
1 Comment on Leadership Minute: Listen Up

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. – Ernest Hemmingway

Listening is one of those ever-developing leadership skills. In our high tech world the art of undistracted listening is a waning skill. Listening is one of the highest compliments you can pay to another person. This means putting away your cell phone or tablet and actually making eye contact while acknowledging the other person. To the same degree we expect people to listen when we speak we should extend the same courtesy to others. People will feel respected when they are respected. Give the other person your undivided attention and hear what they have to say. You will be seen as a leader who cares and you will build your credibility as one who is engaged. Tune out distractions so that you can tune in to what’s really important. Listen up!

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