Listening – Doug Dickerson on Leadership

The Wisdom of Speaking Last

Posted November 9, 2023November 9, 2023
by admin

Effective communication begins with listening. – Simon Sinek

Years ago, while working in a University setting, I was part of a weekly staff meeting of two major departments of the school. Each week our respective departments came together to discuss projects we were working on and strategize over new ones, etc. In this meeting were two university vice presidents, department heads, and staff.

The work of our departments was both rewarding and challenging. In the staff meetings, however, it was not uncommon to get bogged down in the minutia of upcoming events or a crucial decision that could grind the meeting to a halt.

After ideas had been thoroughly shared and anyone and everyone with input into the topic had spoken, the last person to speak was always one of the vice presidents who sat quietly the whole time.

To an outsider looking on, one might suspect that he was simply uninterested in what was taking place and not engaged.

But when he spoke, he was able to cut through the clutter, see through the competing agendas, and speak words of wisdom to the topic at hand. Truth be told, he was likely the most engaged person in the room. How so? He sat quietly listening. He heard all the ideas being presented and could crystalize what needed to be said in the moment to move things along.

One might ask how he could bring such clarity to the room and leave everyone wondering why they didn’t think of what he just said. How was this possible each week with such consistency?

The simple answer? He always spoke last.

In your leadership, you will be called upon to speak. It comes with the territory. But in as much as you prepare yourself to speak – and you should – how well do you prepare yourself to listen? Should it not require the same preparation?

Here are a few thoughts for your consideration as it relates to listening. I trust that you will find them useful.

Ask engaging questions

As a leader, one of the most intentional things that you can do in order to best understand your people or what’s happening within your organization is to ask engaging questions. Once you do, now comes the work of listening.

The challenge is to listen without formulating a response to your people, but rather listening in order to relate to your people.

Understand this - Listening to respond or get defensive is about you. Listening to relate is about them. In leadership, you must always remember - it’s not about you. Click To Tweet

Give everyone a voice

Over the years, I’ve come to learn this truth – when the people have the ear of the leader, the leader will have the heart of the team. It’s a mutual trust that is earned and developed over time by listening with no hidden agenda.

By listening, you give your people a voice that empowers them and elevates their leadership. And while this is expedited by listening, how long do you suppose you this would take your people by only hearing you talk?

Understand this – Your impact as a leader can be just as effective if you listen more and talk less. It may not be as glamorous, but your impact as a leader is not always measured by your words.

Final Thoughts

Your words and actions in leadership carry weight. James 1:19 says, “…let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This is where the wisdom of learning to speak last is born.

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Are You Listening?

Posted November 14, 2022January 13, 2023
by admin

There is a difference between listening and waiting your turn to speak – Simon Sinek

Dana Visneskie tells the story of a Native American and his friend in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening.

Suddenly, the Native American said, “I hear a cricket.” His friend said, “What? You must be crazy. You couldn’t possibly hear a cricket in all this noise.”

“No, I’m sure of it, the Native American said. “I heard a cricket.” “That’s crazy,” said the friend.

The Native American listened carefully and then walked across the street to the big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located the cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. “That’s incredible,” said his friend. “You must have super-human ears!” “No,” said the Native American. “My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you’re listening for.”

It was not surprising to read in a Business News Daily article that in a study, 64% of 675 professional workers in the U.S. and Canada who were polled said that “leaders making decisions without seeking input” was the biggest problem. If that were not bad enough, the article added that 38% of respondents said that “leaders dismissing ideas without exploring those ideas” is the second biggest reason why people don’t take initiative.

And herein lies the problem – the disconnect if you will, between leaders who do not listen and why people are not more engaged in their work. If those in leadership simply do not listen or dismiss ideas out of hand, where is the incentive to be more engaged?

Consistently in any employee engagement survey or reading on the topic, it will almost always identify listening as one of the major concerns on the minds of its respondents – and rightfully so. Until we can get this right, it’s going to be hard to make tangible progress anywhere else.

So how can a leader develop this important skill and increase their influence regardless of where they serve? I believe it comes down to a few key concepts that when put into practice can pay great dividends.

Be proactive

A good leader will always listen to his or her people. But a proactive leader will initiate the conversations. A proactive leader has his finger on the pulse of the organization and will not sit back and wait for people to come to him, but will move toward the people.

A proactive leader is essentially a proactive listener. Click To TweetThis means that the leader is actively engaged with his or her people and sees this engagement as a means to better serve the organization.

Proactive leaders are asking and listening to questions such as: What can we do to improve our product or service? What can we do to improve our culture? What resources do you need? What happens if we don’t change? How can I help you?

By asking proactive questions you keep your pulse on what’s happening, what your people are thinking, and how to best serve them.

Be present

Your ability to listen is predicated by your ability to be present in the moment. This is done by being fully engaged and removing all distractions. By doing this, your people will know that they are important and that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

Leaders who are present in the moment and are actively listening stand to gain a lot of insight that would otherwise be missed. Leaders who are present are asking questions like: Currently, what is your greatest challenge? If you could change one thing, what would it be? As a team, do you believe that we are moving in the right direction? What do I need to know that I don’t? What are your growth goals and how can I help you achieve them?

Be prepared

As a leader, you need to be asking key questions of your people and listening. It’s not something that you do to appease your people and give the impression that you care only to walk away and not act on it. Your people do not need or want your lip service.

Leaders who listen should be prepared to act on what they’ve heard. The only thing worse than not being engaged and listening to your people is to have those conversations and not act on them. Click To Tweet As a leader, you need to be prepared to listen and then act.

Final Thoughts

Bryant H. McGill said, “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” And this will always be one of your greatest challenges as a leader. So make it a point to be proactive, be in the moment, and be prepared to act on what you’ve heard. You’ll be the better leader for it and your people will greatly appreciate it.

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Bring Back Meaningful Conversations

Posted January 13, 2019
by admin

The most fruitful and natural exercise for our minds is, in my opinion, conversation. – Michel de Montaigne, The Essay: A Selection

As I was being escorted to a table in a restaurant not long ago, I passed by a family seated at a long table. There must have been five or six gathered around. What struck me as I passed by was not that they were all together or that they were laughing and talking and otherwise engaged with one another. Sadly, it was an all too familiar sight.

Every person at the table had their smartphone device in their hand and was using it. No conversations were taking place. It was just a group of people sitting together, but very far removed from one another.

According to Google, a survey by Pew Research Center revealed that many people find phone usage during dinner obnoxious. Of those people surveyed, 88 percent think it is okay to use a phone during dinner and 82 percent thinks that using a phone in social settings can hurt conversations.

I realize that we are addicted to our devices. I am clear-eyed in my understanding that it’s just a part of the fabric of our culture for better or worse.

Be it because of our electronic devices or any other distractions that come along, we are increasingly losing the art of meaningful conversation. It takes a toll on relationships, and yes, it can take a toll on your leadership if you are not careful.

Writing in his book, Didn’t See It Coming, bestselling author, Carey Nieuwhof devotes a chapter as to why so many us feel alone and to the demise of genuine conversation. He writes about what many have come to know. He writes:

“Sadly, conversations seem to be developing into an exchange of monologues among people who don’t seem terribly interested in one another. People today appear to be talking at one another more than they’re talking with one another. Next time you’re in a conversation with someone, wait to see how often you get asked a question.”

What about you? What’s been your experience with this issue?

From a leadership point of view, I believe having meaningful conversations is one of the key ingredients to developing effective leadership skills. Here’s why I think it so important and why we must return to them.

Meaningful conversations put you squarely in the moment

Unlike an email that can be put off or an incoming call or text that can be ignored, meaningful face to face conversation puts you in the moment as nothing else can Click To Tweet. It’s your chance to give someone else your undivided attention. Be in the moment.

Meaningful conversations give you the necessary context

There’s just no substitute for meaningful conversations. It gives you the advantage of understanding fully from the source in a way that other forms of communication can’t deliver. Meaningful conversation strips away any chance of misunderstanding when you’re engaged with the source. Leadership in context is invaluable. Click To Tweet

Meaningful conversations teach you to slow down and listen

Leaders are busy people. Too busy at times. But when you engage in meaningful conversation it’s sharpening this all-important leadership skill. Too often our thoughts are elsewhere and we are not really tuned in when talking with our people. Meaningful conversations are not rushed. They’re thoughtful. It may try your patience or seem inconsequential to you, but it can make all the difference to the one you are conversing with. Slow down and listen.

Meaningful conversations enhance trust

Nothing can build trust like meaningful conversations. They accomplish more than the tech devices that supposedly making communicating easier. Trust is the glue that binds your organization together and gives your leadership the credibility its due. Don’t allow your busy schedule or other demands rob you of this most essential leadership ingredient. Initiate meaningful conversations. Have meaningful conversations. Build trust.

Meaningful conversations are all about relationships

The secret sauce in leadership is relationships. It’s all about people. The depth of your relationships in large part depends upon the depth of your conversations. Let the focal point of your conversations be more about the people you lead. Listen more. Talk less. When the people you lead have your ear, you will have their heart. Click To Tweet Don’t pretend it’s all about you. It’s not. You will build stronger relationships by having more meaningful conversations.

It’s time to get back to meaningful conversations. Your leadership depends on it.

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Leadership In A Word: Listening

Posted June 11, 2018October 10, 2018
by dougdickerson

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. – Bryant H. McGill

A word about listening

Listening. Yes, I know, it’s a leadership topic that’s been tackled by the best of them for a very long time. But read up on any of the current writings about employee engagement, bad bosses, what causes people to leave their jobs, etc., and usually in the mix somewhere is the issue of listening – or the lack thereof.

At its core, listening is one of the most basic soft skills in leadership. If offered, it would be a 101 leadership course in college. Unfortunately, it’s not.

I asked an aspiring manager in a prominent retail chain some time ago what was the most frustrating thing she dealt with as it related to her direct reports. Without hesitation, she conveyed that they just don’t listen. How many of you can relate to her plight?

As leaders, intuitively we know that listening is a priority. Yet, our lives are structured in such a way that listening is an afterthought. Simply put, we are just too busy. Unfortunately, many leaders make the mistake of believing it’s more important that they are heard, therefore, failing at one of the most important things that they can do – listen.

Here are three reminders on why listening is a key ingredient to your leadership. I hope that it is helpful to you.

Listening empowers your people

If you want your people to feel empowered then listen to them. So long as they feel that they have a voice and it’s being respected and heard then you will win them over. When your people are empowered they will go to great lengths to serve you and your organization. Listening creates buy-in. It’s a momentum builder. If you want to empower you people listen to your people. Click To Tweet

Listening keeps you grounded

This is the trap that far too many leaders fall into. It’s when you stop listening that you lose touch with what’s going on around you. When you stop listening to all voices and only a few voices, then how can you truly benefit? Soon, the only voices you hear are the ones telling you only what you want to hear. When this happens, your leadership is diminished. Keep the doors to your leadership open with your ears and with an open mind. Often time the best ideas and input flow into your office, not out of it. Click To Tweet

Listening keeps you connected

Much like staying grounded, listening keeps you connected to your people. You never want to be so far removed from your people that you don’t hear their heartbeat. To listen to your people is to know your people. When you stop listening to your people, you stop knowing your people. Don’t be so far removed from their heartbeat that they no longer hear yours. Because if you do, then you are only presiding over your own demise as a leader. Stay close, stay connected, and keep listening.

Listening quotes

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemmingway

“There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak”. – Simon Sinek

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. – Stephen R. Covey

“If the person you are talking to does not appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear”. – Winnie the Pooh

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking”. – Bernard M. Baruch

A final word

The only way listening becomes a strong leadership skill is when we become intentional about it. Remove distractions. Show respect. Put your cell phone away. Look your people in the eye and let them talk. These are just basic courtesies that we need to return to. But we have to look past the basic “how-to’s” and get to a deeper understanding of the greater benefits and how listening impacts us as leaders.

What do you say?

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Leadership Minute: Fluffy People

Posted November 2, 2014
by admin

If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. – A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh puts a kind spin on some of the people you will deal with as a leader. You know the type. They seemingly go through the motions of listening but deep down you know they have fluff in their ears. As a leader communication is important. What you say, how you say it, and making sure the message gets through is essential to your success. If you are like me at times, patience is not your best virtue, so you don’t like to waste time repeating yourself. There are times when it’s not the message or the recipient that’s at fault – it’s the timing. Make sure that your communication is carefully planned so as to maximize delivery and increase reception. Remember, communication is a two-way street and not everyone is be tuning you out, so don’t blame it on the fluff.

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Leadership Minute: Are You Listening?

Posted July 30, 2014
by admin

The best way to listen is with your mouth shut. If you’re talking, you’re not listening. – Jesse Lyn Stoner

One of the most essential leadership skills you will ever develop and always use is the skill of listening. Are you hearing me? By listening you know what the other person is thinking, feeling, processing, and wrestling with. This skill is perfected when you are totally engaged and committed to hearing what the other person has to say. Listening can be rather casual at times. One tends to get the feeling you are not listening when you are glancing at your smart phone every two minutes or if you keep interrupting them. The art of listening and hearing the other person is saying happens when you give yourself fully, for however long, to the other person without interruption. Never underestimate the power of listening and for the value that it adds to your leadership. You not only are doing a service to the other person involved but you are growing your skills in the process. So do yourself a favor and listen up!

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Leadership Minute: Listen Up

Posted May 2, 2014
by admin
1 Comment on Leadership Minute: Listen Up

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. – Ernest Hemmingway

Listening is one of those ever-developing leadership skills. In our high tech world the art of undistracted listening is a waning skill. Listening is one of the highest compliments you can pay to another person. This means putting away your cell phone or tablet and actually making eye contact while acknowledging the other person. To the same degree we expect people to listen when we speak we should extend the same courtesy to others. People will feel respected when they are respected. Give the other person your undivided attention and hear what they have to say. You will be seen as a leader who cares and you will build your credibility as one who is engaged. Tune out distractions so that you can tune in to what’s really important. Listen up!

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Leadership Minute: Trust Your Inner Voice

Posted April 28, 2014
by admin

Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. – Steve Jobs

As a leader you will get plenty of opinions from others. Some you will ask for but most will be unsolicited. It goes with the territory. Well- meaning people will tell you what you should have done or what you should do but ultimately you have to listen to your own inner voice. It’s God’s way of speaking to you. There comes a time when you have to take that step of faith and trust your instincts. Eventually, you have to learn how to trust that voice and when necessary stand in defiance of other people’s opinions. Your growth as a leader comes when you learn how to tune out counterproductive opinions, embrace the good ones, and only entertain positive thoughts. Be confident in your abilities, trust your intuition, and listen to that inner voice.

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Leadership Minute: Listen to the People in the Trenches

Posted May 2, 2013
by admin

Hans Finzel said, “Leaders by their very nature tend to be removed from the front lines of battle in the organization. Therefore they must listen to those in the trenches, relying on that information to make wise decisions.” It is a critical part of your leadership to listen to your people. It is essential that you listen to your front line people. Knowing, understanding, and responding to what it being said in the trenches positions you make better decisions and to deliver what they need to get the job done. Are you listening?

If you enjoy reading the “Leadership Minute” you will especially enjoy reading Doug’s books, Leaders Without Borders & Great Leaders Wanted! Visit Doug’s website to order your copies today.

Website: www.dougsmanagementmoment.blogspot.com

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