leadership – Page 3 – Doug Dickerson on Leadership

It’s A Matter of Focus

Posted January 12, 2024January 12, 2024
by admin

Where focus goes, energy flows. – Tony Robbins

On more than one occasion over the years, I’ve come away disappointed with what would have been a great photograph that I ruined by one major mistake. It was out of focus. Ugh!

You would think that after a lifetime of taking pictures and being an avid photographer, I would know better. It’s not like the concept is new to me. After all, I’ve won awards for my photographs and have taught classes for others to better improve their photography skills.

But focusing issues is a common mistake in photography whether you’re an amateur or professional if you’re not careful. The primary reasons are that the camera moved, the subject moved and you didn’t adjust in time, and missed focus among other things.

In leadership, we often hear that we need to see the big picture – and we do. It’s important to understand where you are, know where you are going, and set proper goals to get there.

The broader the picture, however, the harder it is to narrow your focus on the things in your leadership that matter most. In photography, you might appreciate the big picture from an artistic point of view, but finer details and focal points can go unnoticed and underappreciated.

In your leadership, what you focus on matters. As Tony Robbins said, It’s where your energy flows. How can you get your leadership in focus and activate your energy? Here are a few tips.

Focus on daily growth

Focusing on the daily disciplines each day that advance you toward your goals. It’s normal to want to rush the process and overnight be at a level of success that took others years to attain. But that’s not how they achieved it and chances are, neither will you. Don’t despise the importance of daily growth.

Focus on serving others

An essential characteristic of your leadership is found in serving others. Someone once said, “If serving is beneath you then leading is beyond you,” and this is one of the most essential characteristics of leadership to learn. Understanding that it’s not about you will remove the focus from yourself and where it belongs – serving the needs of others.

Focus on adding value to others

Similar in nature to serving others, adding value is a key component of your leadership. Zig Ziglar said, “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help other people get what they want.” Adding value to others allows you to put into practice the discipline of serving others tangibly. By doing so, you are showing yourself to be a selfless leader that’s worthy of following.

Focus on your priorities

As a leader, you have to know the difference between what’s important and what’s important to you. Many leaders lose their focus when it comes to priorities because they get sucked into the “tyranny of the urgent” that others create. Learning how to stay in your lane and focus on your priorities is a matter of good self-leadership. There’s a difference between adding value to others and adding to the drama. Understand the difference and stick to your priorities. Click To Tweet

Focus on consistency

John Maxwell said, “Small disciplines repeated with consistency every day lead to great achievements gained slowly over time.” And this is the secret sauce of focus. When you focus on being consistent with your growth and daily disciplines, you will rise in your leadership.

Final Thought

Famed photographer Ansel Adams said, “A good photograph is knowing where to stand,” and it’s true in your leadership. Where you stand matters. And once you know where you stand, everything comes into focus.

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Not More Life As Usual

Posted January 1, 2024January 1, 2024
by admin

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. – Nido Qubein

Some years back, I read an account of the U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between rails) and how it came to be set at 4 ft., 8 and one-half inches.

Why was it set at such an odd number? The reason? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and American railroads were built by British expatriates.

But why did the English adopt that particular gauge? Because the people who built the pre-railroad tramways used that gauge.

They in turn were locked into that guage because the people who built tramways used the same standards and tools they had used for building wagons, which were set on gauge of 4 feet, 8 and one-half inches.

Why were the wagons built to that scale? Because with any other size, the wheels did not match the old wheel ruts on the road.

So who built the old rutted roads? The first long-distance highways in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been in use ever since. Roman war chariots first made the ruts. Four feet, eight-and-one-half inches was the width a chariot needed to be to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

The account of the railroad system is emblematic of the way many people go about accepting and living their lives.

Many people find themselves living their lives according to the “standard gauge” that others have placed upon them. Breaking free from this entrapment of low expectations is nothing more than a pipe dream filled with “one of these days” thinking that slowly turns into faded memories of what could have been.

As you read this, reflect briefly on why you do what you do. Think of the patterns and routines in your life. Are you in the driver’s seat as it pertains to your goals, dreams, and aspirations? What gets you up early in the morning and keeps you up late at night? What are you pursuing in life that you are passionate about? And, are you moving in the direction of those passions?

I know that “standard gauge” thinking – accepting things because “it’s always been this way”- is the greatest obstacle standing in the way of where your heart, passion, and talents could otherwise take you. It’s what kills your dreams and causes you to:

Embrace the status quo
Believe that success is out of your reach
Believe that you are trapped where you are
Believe that others are more deserving of success than you

Zig Ziglar said, “If you don’t see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner.” And this is my challenge for you:

Don’t allow the “standard gauge” of others to define who God has created you to be and to become.
Don’t allow your negative self-talk to defeat you
Don’t be afraid to take risks, fail, and try again!

My prayer for you in 2024 is that you will:

Deepen your perspective of who you are and why you were created (your spiritual life which grounds you)
Align yourself with like-minded people who share your values (this is your tribe who you share life with)

Welcome to 2024! May it be your best yet!

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Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Posted December 13, 2023
by admin

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. – Henry David Thoreau

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, so says the song. Speaking of Christmas songs, which one is your favorite?

Not long ago, I came across an article in Readers Digest that gave the backstories of some of the most popular Christmas songs. As a fan of backstories, it caught my attention. I’d like to share one of them with you.

The year was 1944, and songwriter Hugh Martin was fooling around with a little medley, but it wasn’t working. “So he played with it for two or three days and then threw it in the wastebasket,” his songwriting partner Blaine told NPR in 1989. Blaine made him get it out of the trash. And it’s a good thing, the song ended up being “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

Martin was writing the song for the film Meet Me In St. Louis. Supposedly, the song was a bit too melancholy for Judy Garland’s character in the movie, so Martin and Blaine rewrote the lyrics to be cheerier. “The film producers said, ‘It’s a sad scene, but we want a sort of upbeat song, which will make it even sadder if she’s smiling through her tears,” Martin said. “Then we wrote the one you know in the movie.” The song was a hit and has since been remade by many artists.

When reading a backstory like that one, I can’t help but wonder how many other Hugh Martins are out there – those who have – for whatever reason, have tossed their dream in the proverbial wastebasket. How many have chosen to give up in the face of opposition? How many have succumbed to discouragement to the point of giving up?

It was Thomas Edison who said, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Truer words have never been spoken.

But did you also know that Edison faced tragedy of epic proportions when his lab was destroyed by fire? In the aftermath of that fire, Edison said, “Thank goodness all of our mistakes are burned up. Now we can start fresh again.” And this is the posture of a man who would not be held back.

As you spend time reflecting during this Christmas season and as the year comes to a close, I want to challenge you to think about your blessings rather than your troubles. Try meditating on the good that’s come your way and the good you can do.It’s all too easy to see the bad taking place in the world, but what you dwell on is a choice and that choice shapes your point of view. Click To Tweet

Let me close by reminding you of the lyrics of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the Yuletide gay

Next year all our troubles will be miles away

Once again, as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Will be near to us once more

Someday soon we all will be together

If the fates allow

Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow

So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

I encourage you to discover the hope of the season, and the dreams in your heart, and to know that nothing is out of your reach so long as you have faith.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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For The Sake of Authenticity

Posted December 5, 2023
by admin

authentic: not false or imitation; true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character; made or done the same way as an original – Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The Merriam-Webster dictionary company has named the word “authentic” as the 2023 word of the year.

In explaining its selection of the word “authentic” Merriam-Webster stated it was “the term for something we’re thinking about, writing about, aspiring to, and judging more than ever.” Additionally, they said, “A high-volume lookup most years, authentic saw a substantial increase in 2023, driven by stories and conversations about AI, celebrity, culture, identity, and social media.”

The selection of the word “authentic” is somewhat telling in an age when so much of what is taking place around us seems to be far removed from it. Mirriam-Webster cited AI, celebrity, culture, identity, and social media as factors. And why not? With a culture consumed with these things, authenticity is replaced by the fake and the trickle-down effect is widespread. Before long, it becomes increasingly challenging to distinguish between the two.

Psychologist Adam Grant states, “Authenticity is not about being unfiltered. It’s about staying true to your principles.” I agree with his assessment. And it’s why as leaders we must set the standard for authenticity. If authenticity is not found in us as leaders, then how can we rightfully complain about what the void is replaced with?

In a study about authenticity in the workplace, a study published in Jobsage found that most people believed that their companies were authentic. But when pressed, more than 3 in 5 said that they were “currently hiding at least one thing about their identity from their employer”.

Key takeaways from the study revealed:

Most often, employees hide political views (37%) and information about their families (36%)
Over half say not being authentic at work impacts their mental health
More than 3 in 5 say that after being authentic they were treated differently at work, most often being treated unkindly or ignored

As leaders, I hope that on all fronts we are modeling what healthy authenticity looks like. Here are a few ways in which we can make it happen.

Define your core values

You can only live out what you believe when you know what you believe. What are your non-negotiables? Your core values are first and foremost an inside job. When your values are clear to you, then you can live them out, but not until then.

Keep it real

Being authentic is a discipline. It’s about being your most real self – not being over the top or over-compensating, but naturally comfortable in your own skin. Authenticity is being “true to one’s own personality”. Authenticity is not about trying to be many things to many people but being the same person to all people. Click To Tweet

Practice honesty and transparency

This is where the rubber meets the road. Your authentic self is revealed more by these two things than anything else. It will make you vulnerable, but isn’t that the essence of authenticity? Being honest and transparent is not for the benefit of those around you – although it matters. It has everything to do with being true to yourself.

Be courageous

There’s nothing more wonderful than embracing your unique authentic self. Be true to it, value it, hold tightly to it, but always remain humble and willing to grow. It doesn’t take much courage to be like everyone else, but to stay true to your values, you must be courageous.

Final Thoughts

Writing in Life, the Truth, and Being Free, Steve Maraboli writes, “There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.” And isn’t that the goal of authenticity?

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Unselfishness is Not Seasonal

Posted November 27, 2023
by admin

Instead of trying to be great, be part of something greater than yourself. – John Maxwell

I came across an interesting study on the principle of the Golden Rule conducted by Bernard Rimland, director of the Institute of Child Behavior Research.

Rimland found that “The happiest people are those who help others.” Each person involved in the study was asked to list ten people they knew best and label them as happy or not happy. Then they were to go through the list again and label each one as selfish or unselfish.

In categorizing the results, Rimland found that all of the people labeled happy were also labeled unselfish. He wrote that those “whose activities are devoted to bringing themselves happiness are far less likely to be happy than those whose efforts are devoted to making others happy.”

As we embark upon the holiday season, we no doubt see all the feel-good stories of people giving back. It’s heart-warming to see such a spirit of generosity and goodwill on display. For all of the bad and evil we see in the world on a daily basis, it restores faith in humanity to see the love and generous expressions of unselfishness that abound during this season.

But unselfishness is not seasonal.

Now is a great time for a refresher on just what it means to be an unselfish leader and how by your example you can foster a giving attitude year-round.

Reflect back for a moment on the outcome of the survey in the above story. It should not come as a surprise to anyone to learn that the happiest people are also the most giving and unselfish. The connection couldn’t be more obvious. As you reflect upon these things, here are a few thoughts for your consideration.

Unselfishness is an attitude

The point here is simple – unselfishness is an inside job before it’s anything else. A “random act of kindness” can come from a selfish person, which is why it’s random. But an unselfish lifestyle can never come from a selfish person. Click To Tweet

When you develop an attitude of giving not only do you become a happier person, but you in turn are able to sow more seeds of generosity.

Unselfishness is a lifestyle

One of the greatest joys of leading is serving causes greater than oneself. At the end of the day, unselfishness becomes a lifestyle, not an event, and is certainly not seasonal. When this occurs, it becomes a part of your DNA.

When you live and lead in such a way that it becomes a lifestyle, it simply becomes second nature to you. And often your acts of generosity are out of the spotlight which is secondary to you anyhow. But when you develop a lifestyle of unselfishness you model servant leadership for your people.

Unselfishness becomes your legacy

A life lived and devoted to selfless acts of kindness and serving others ultimately will become your greatest legacy. It’s not about the power you acquired or the money you made, but the way in which you made the world a better place.

When unselfishness becomes your lifestyle and legacy your life now takes on a whole new meaning. And I trust that during this season your eyes will be opened to this becoming your legacy in the future.

Final Thoughts

William Arthur Ward said, “Lose yourself in generous service and every day can be a most unusual day, a triumphant day, an abundantly rewarding day!”. And I trust that during this season, this is exactly what you come to know and experience.

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The Wisdom of Speaking Last

Posted November 9, 2023November 9, 2023
by admin

Effective communication begins with listening. – Simon Sinek

Years ago, while working in a University setting, I was part of a weekly staff meeting of two major departments of the school. Each week our respective departments came together to discuss projects we were working on and strategize over new ones, etc. In this meeting were two university vice presidents, department heads, and staff.

The work of our departments was both rewarding and challenging. In the staff meetings, however, it was not uncommon to get bogged down in the minutia of upcoming events or a crucial decision that could grind the meeting to a halt.

After ideas had been thoroughly shared and anyone and everyone with input into the topic had spoken, the last person to speak was always one of the vice presidents who sat quietly the whole time.

To an outsider looking on, one might suspect that he was simply uninterested in what was taking place and not engaged.

But when he spoke, he was able to cut through the clutter, see through the competing agendas, and speak words of wisdom to the topic at hand. Truth be told, he was likely the most engaged person in the room. How so? He sat quietly listening. He heard all the ideas being presented and could crystalize what needed to be said in the moment to move things along.

One might ask how he could bring such clarity to the room and leave everyone wondering why they didn’t think of what he just said. How was this possible each week with such consistency?

The simple answer? He always spoke last.

In your leadership, you will be called upon to speak. It comes with the territory. But in as much as you prepare yourself to speak – and you should – how well do you prepare yourself to listen? Should it not require the same preparation?

Here are a few thoughts for your consideration as it relates to listening. I trust that you will find them useful.

Ask engaging questions

As a leader, one of the most intentional things that you can do in order to best understand your people or what’s happening within your organization is to ask engaging questions. Once you do, now comes the work of listening.

The challenge is to listen without formulating a response to your people, but rather listening in order to relate to your people.

Understand this - Listening to respond or get defensive is about you. Listening to relate is about them. In leadership, you must always remember - it’s not about you. Click To Tweet

Give everyone a voice

Over the years, I’ve come to learn this truth – when the people have the ear of the leader, the leader will have the heart of the team. It’s a mutual trust that is earned and developed over time by listening with no hidden agenda.

By listening, you give your people a voice that empowers them and elevates their leadership. And while this is expedited by listening, how long do you suppose you this would take your people by only hearing you talk?

Understand this – Your impact as a leader can be just as effective if you listen more and talk less. It may not be as glamorous, but your impact as a leader is not always measured by your words.

Final Thoughts

Your words and actions in leadership carry weight. James 1:19 says, “…let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This is where the wisdom of learning to speak last is born.

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The Problem With Good Intentions

Posted October 25, 2023
by admin

Everything worthwhile is uphill. – John Maxwell

After 36 years of marriage, I’ve learned a thing or two about good intentions. Most of them the hard way.

I recall the time when I was using the mixer to make some cookies. This was early on in our marriage. Up to that point, I had used it numerous times without incident. On this particular occasion, however, things went sideways and I managed to burn it up.

When Christmas came around a few months later and feeling remorse for what I had done with the decommissioned mixer, I made the decision to purchase a new one for her. Now, keep in mind, that this was just one of the many presents that I gave her. Surely, my wife would appreciate a new one, I reasoned.

I was wrong.

Her appreciation for receiving a new mixer did not match my good intentions of giving it to her. Needless to say, in the years since that incident, never has appliances been associated with Christmas.

Good intentions – while good, are never enough. Hang around in leadership long enough and you will learn this. Here’s what I know about good intentions:

Good intentions reflect a dream or desire for something better
Good intentions reflect that you have ambition
Good intentions reflect that you care and are invested on some level

But my good intentions and yours are never enough.

John Maxwell said, “One of the greatest gaps in life is between sounding good and doing good. We are ultimately measured by what we do and how our actions shape the world around us. Without results, all the best intentions in the world are just a way of deluding ourselves.” And this is a gap in your leadership that needs to be bridged.

The key to moving from good intentions to action and results is found in self-discipline. It’s not what you start, plot, or plan, but what you get done.

Think for a moment about what your life – both personally and professionally, would look like if you moved from good intentions to actions and results. Consider the following:

What would your relationships look like?
What would your finances look like?
What would your career look like?
What would your faith look like?
What impact can you envision making on the world?
What would you attempt to accomplish if you had the discipline to move from good intentions to action?

While it’s true that everything worthwhile is uphill, that should not stop you. It should challenge and inspire you. Click To Tweet

The late Zig Ziglar said, “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” And this is your leadership challenge- to start!

So let me ask you, what’s holding you back from taking action? Is it a fear of failure? Is it a fear of what others might say or think? Is it a lack of confidence in your own ability? Whatever it may be, let me be the first to encourage you to set those fears aside and simply start.

Final Thoughts

My wife and I are able to now look back and laugh about her getting the mixer for Christmas. But it was a lesson learned that helped me realize that despite my good intentions at the time, I could have at least waited until Valentine’s Day to give it to her.

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High Stakes Growth

Posted October 16, 2023
by admin

Those at the top of the mountain didn’t fall there. – Marcus Washling

I read a story about an animal trainer for Hollywood movies who was once asked how he could stake down a full-grown elephant with the same size stake used for a baby elephant. “It’s easy,” replied the trainer, “When they are babies, we stake them down. They try to tug away from the stake maybe ten thousand times before they realize that they can’t get away. At that point, their ‘elephant memory’ takes over and they remember for the rest of their lives that they can’t get away from the stake.”

When it comes to your personal growth and development as a leader, you must be fully aware of your surroundings and the stakes that would hold you back and prevent your growth. Nido Qubein put it this way, “ Whether you are a success or a failure in life has little to do with your circumstances; it has much to do with your choices.” Your choices will make or break you as a leader.

When it comes to your own personal growth and development, you must make wise choices about the stakes that could hold you back. What are they? Let’s explore a few together.

The stake of what other people think

How far you can go, how high you can climb, and what you can achieve are not determined by the limitations that others may try and place on you. Don’t allow the negative things others say to become a stake that prevents you from achieving your goals. It’s not what others say but what you believe that matters.

The stake of failure

John Maxwell said, “The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.” How you respond to failure will either be a stake in the ground that holds you back or a stepping stone to a brighter future because you dared to believe that your failure wasn’t fatal or final but an opportunity for growth.

The stake of your comfort zone

Comfort zones tend to lull you into playing it safe. This stake is perhaps the most dangerous stake because of the false sense of security it gives you. It causes you to embrace your worst fears rather than embrace your greatest strengths. It turns you into a spectator of others’ achievements while making you settle for less than you are capable of achieving.

The stake of comparing yourself to others

One of the most negative things that you can do on your personal growth journey is to compare yourself to others. It’s a distraction at best. You can look at what someone else is doing and achieving and talk yourself into believing you can never succeed on their level. You can compare yourself to another and think you are so much better. Either way, it’s unhealthy. Run your race with all your strength, stay in your lane, and not worry about the person next to you.

The stake of no discipline

Bruce Springsteen said, “A time comes when you need to stop waiting for the man you want to become and start being the man you want to be.” If you have a desire to grow and develop as a leader then it’s up to you to uproot the stake of an undisciplined life and take intentional steps that will move you from where you are to where you want to be. Wishful thinking will not suffice.

Final Thoughts

You will never achieve all that you are capable of achieving unless and until you believe that the stakes that are holding you back are not worth comparing to the rewards that await you when you believe that you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

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Check These Boxes For Effective Change

Posted October 2, 2023October 2, 2023
by admin

Whether you are a success or failure in life has little to do with your circumstances; it has much more to do with your choices. – Nido Qubein

How adaptive to change are you? Are you an early adapter or a reluctant embracer of change? What is your initial response to the word change? What emotion does it invoke when you hear the word? Do you naturally resist change?

In his book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, John Maxwell shares the following story about a lonely woman who purchased a parrot from a pet store:

After only one day of having it, she returned to the store and told the storekeeper how disappointed she was with it. “That parrot hasn’t said a word yet!” she lamented.

“Does it have a mirror?” asked the storekeeper. “Parrots like to be able to look at themselves in the mirror.” So the lady bought a mirror and returned home.

The next day she was back again, reporting that the bird still wasn’t speaking. “What about a ladder?” the storekeeper asked. “Parrots enjoy walking up and down a ladder.” So the parrot owner bought a ladder and returned home.

On the third day, she was back again with the same complaint. “Does the parrot have a swing?” was the shopkeeper’s solution. “Birds enjoy relaxing on a swing.” She bought the swing and went home.

The next day she returned to the store and announced that the bird had died. “I’m terribly sorry to hear that,” said the storekeeper. “Did the bird ever say anything before it died?”

“Yes,” said the lady. “It said, ‘Don’t they sell any food down there?’”

What’s the moral of this silly story? Change for the sake of change isn’t going to help you. If you are going to make changes, you must make sure they’re the right ones.

This humorous story illustrates that while we can be busy making changes in hopes of a different outcome, change for the sake of change does not guarantee it.

Wiring in Management Journey, Robert Tanner states, “The truth is that human beings do not naturally resist change. We accept changes to our lives all the time, especially when we like the change that others present to us. We will change if we believe the change will be beneficial to us.” And this is a challenge for many leaders. How well do you communicate the benefits of change in a way that people will step out of their comfort zones and embrace it?

We resist change for the obvious reasons:

Fear of the unknown
Loss of control
Lack of clarity or understanding of why the change is beneficial

Or it could simply come down to what my good friend Jeff Turner says, “I’m pretty stubborn”, which is reflective of how many of us feel about change at times. We just don’t want to go there.

If you are a leader about to implement change in any capacity, make sure you have checked these boxes before proceeding.

This change is the right change and comes at the right time

Nothing could be worse than making the right change at the wrong time. Make sure that the change is right and your timing is right. If not, you are about to navigate some rough times.

This change reflects a consensus of your key people

Making change without the input and counsel of your key people can cause great damage. The people most impacted by a major change should be seated at the table during discussions prior to the change being implemented.

This change aligns with your values

When implementing any change within your organization, make sure that it does not in any way conflict with your core values. Any change being considered or implemented should be a compliment to your values, not an obstruction to them.

This change is worth defending

When all is said and done, any change worth implementing in your organization must be one worth defending with integrity. If you can’t defend it, don’t implement it.

This change will stretch us

As is the case oftentimes, change will stretch you as a leader and it will stretch your team. Growth tends to do that. It will move you out of your comfort zone, cause you to look at your challenges in a different light, and grow you beyond what you previously thought possible.

Final Thoughts

Not all change is good. Not all is bad. How it works for you is the result of the choices you make along the way.

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How Pain Shapes You As a Leader

Posted September 20, 2023September 21, 2023
by admin

Success in life comes not from holding a good hand, but in playing a poor hand well. – Warren G. Lester

When it comes to the painful experiences of life, I’ve never seen anyone volunteering or signing up to go through a painful experience. Have you?

But all of us have either been touched by a painful life experience or know someone who has. Life brings the sting of pain, such as (and many more):

The pain of a divorce
The pain of the death of a friend or loved one
The pain of a lost job
The pain of financial hardships
The pain of poor health
The pain change
The pain of caring for aging parents
The pain of depression

Life is full of painful experiences. And sooner or later, we all deal with those painful events. As a leader, you are not exempt.

I will never forget the painful event of losing my mother at the height of the COVID pandemic (but not due to COVID). It was one of the most painful life experiences that I had to deal with. She lived out of state and traveling back and forth was a challenge as well as being around her.

To make matters worse, when she did pass away, we were unable to have a funeral for her as it was at the height of the pandemic and social distancing protocols simply prevented it. Not being able to have her many friends and family gather to celebrate her life was painful and disappointing.

Virginia Satir said, “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” And this is especially true in the way you deal with painful life experiences as well as in your leadership.

I’m a firm believer that life experiences – especially the bad ones, are teachers or guides that help us become better. How can we make sure that the experiences of life make us better and not bitter? Here are a few tips from a fellow friend on the journey with you.

Acknowledge your pain

As a leader, you are not exempt from painful life experiences. We are all touched by them. By acknowledging your pain you are simply stating the obvious that you are human like everyone else and you are not exempt from the pains and sorrows of life.

Leadership Lesson: Pain shapes you to be a vulnerable leader.

Embrace your pain

The painful experiences of life are not meant to be bottled up. Life’s pains and traumas don’t go away by themselves. They won’t go away by ignoring them. On your leadership journey, you will deal with your own personal points of pain as well as share in the painful life events of those around you. The sooner you acknowledge and address your pain the sooner you will move to a place of healing.

Leadership Lesson: Pain shapes you to be a compassionate leader.

Adjust to your pain

What I am not advocating here is a surrender to the inevitability of continuous painful life experiences. Realistically, they are seasons we go through. I am, however, advocating for you to choose how you will face those experiences and the attitude by which you deal with them.

We don’t always choose the experiences that we face in life, but we do choose our attitudes toward them. And to be sure, sometimes it’s not the size of the problem or the depth of the pain, but its duration that wears us down. Making the right adjustments – especially with regard to your attitude will allow you to navigate them with a clear mind and heart.

Leadership Lesson: Pain shapes you to be a resilient leader.

Emerge from your pain

Painful life experiences, while difficult and challenging at the time, in due time do pass. And to be sure, the pain is real, the scars hurt, and memories of what was will linger with us. But you can emerge from that season stronger and healthier in the end.

Max Lucado said, “A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward. Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God.” And this is the goal when emerging from life’s painful events.

Leadership Lesson: Pain shapes you to be a victorious leader.

Final Thoughts

I don’t know the season you face in your leadership right now. But I do believe that the pain you are walking through right now is going to serve a greater purpose in the end when you use it for the glory of God.

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Resources: Books I’d like to recommend to you as a supplement to this new column.

All of these books can be ordered from Amazon.

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget: Discover How to Move on, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again By Lysa TerKeust

2. Out of the Cave: Stepping Into the Light When Depression Darkens What You See by Chris Hodges

3. Winning the War in Your Mind: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life by Craig Groeschel

4. Anxious For Nothing: Finding Calm in Chaos by Max Lucado

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