Kindness – Doug Dickerson on Leadership

Unselfishness is Not Seasonal

Posted November 27, 2023
by admin

Instead of trying to be great, be part of something greater than yourself. – John Maxwell

I came across an interesting study on the principle of the Golden Rule conducted by Bernard Rimland, director of the Institute of Child Behavior Research.

Rimland found that “The happiest people are those who help others.” Each person involved in the study was asked to list ten people they knew best and label them as happy or not happy. Then they were to go through the list again and label each one as selfish or unselfish.

In categorizing the results, Rimland found that all of the people labeled happy were also labeled unselfish. He wrote that those “whose activities are devoted to bringing themselves happiness are far less likely to be happy than those whose efforts are devoted to making others happy.”

As we embark upon the holiday season, we no doubt see all the feel-good stories of people giving back. It’s heart-warming to see such a spirit of generosity and goodwill on display. For all of the bad and evil we see in the world on a daily basis, it restores faith in humanity to see the love and generous expressions of unselfishness that abound during this season.

But unselfishness is not seasonal.

Now is a great time for a refresher on just what it means to be an unselfish leader and how by your example you can foster a giving attitude year-round.

Reflect back for a moment on the outcome of the survey in the above story. It should not come as a surprise to anyone to learn that the happiest people are also the most giving and unselfish. The connection couldn’t be more obvious. As you reflect upon these things, here are a few thoughts for your consideration.

Unselfishness is an attitude

The point here is simple – unselfishness is an inside job before it’s anything else. A “random act of kindness” can come from a selfish person, which is why it’s random. But an unselfish lifestyle can never come from a selfish person. Click To Tweet

When you develop an attitude of giving not only do you become a happier person, but you in turn are able to sow more seeds of generosity.

Unselfishness is a lifestyle

One of the greatest joys of leading is serving causes greater than oneself. At the end of the day, unselfishness becomes a lifestyle, not an event, and is certainly not seasonal. When this occurs, it becomes a part of your DNA.

When you live and lead in such a way that it becomes a lifestyle, it simply becomes second nature to you. And often your acts of generosity are out of the spotlight which is secondary to you anyhow. But when you develop a lifestyle of unselfishness you model servant leadership for your people.

Unselfishness becomes your legacy

A life lived and devoted to selfless acts of kindness and serving others ultimately will become your greatest legacy. It’s not about the power you acquired or the money you made, but the way in which you made the world a better place.

When unselfishness becomes your lifestyle and legacy your life now takes on a whole new meaning. And I trust that during this season your eyes will be opened to this becoming your legacy in the future.

Final Thoughts

William Arthur Ward said, “Lose yourself in generous service and every day can be a most unusual day, a triumphant day, an abundantly rewarding day!”. And I trust that during this season, this is exactly what you come to know and experience.

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What Floyd Dean-Shannon Taught Us About Leadership

Posted January 23, 2023
by admin

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. – Unknown

Perhaps you saw the story recently on social media. It was one of those feel-good stories that just restores faith in humanity on many levels.

It begins with a post showing Delta Airlines flight attendant Floyd Dean-Shannon sitting in the aisle on a flight from Charlotte, N.C. to New York City holding the hand of a nervous passenger.

“I’ve got you,” he’s quoted as saying as he gives comfort and reassures the nervous passenger that everything was going to be fine. He took the time to explain every noise and bump as he held her hand.

The beauty of the moment didn’t go unnoticed by fellow passengers who were so touched by this act of kindness that they couldn’t help but capture the moment to share with the rest of us.

It’s probably safe to say that Floyd Dean-Shannon didn’t set out that day to be declared a hero on social media for his act of kindness toward a total stranger. He’d probably just say that he was doing his job. But I hope that the rest of us won’t soon forget it.

John Maxwell said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” And this is precisely what Floyd Dean-Shannon modeled. Here are a few additional leadership lessons we can learn from his actions that day.

Acts of kindness don’t diminish your leadership, it elevates it

We must never embrace the false notion that strong leaders don’t have the capacity for being kind. Not only did Dean-Shannon prove it, but judging by the response, it’s refreshing to see. In leadership, being kind is an asset, not a liability.

People are your business

Howard Behar, the former vice president at Starbucks said, “We are not in the coffee business serving people, we are in the people business serving coffee.” And this is the leadership lesson found at this moment. It always has been and always will be about people and how best to serve them.

One person truly can make a difference

Perhaps the greatest lesson that Floyd Dean-Shannon taught us is that one random act of kindness by one person truly can make a difference. But when we couple random acts of kindness with intentional acts of kindness soon big changes are made.

Mother Teresa said, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” As leaders, this is our challenge – to create ripples that make a difference. Thank you, Floyd Dean-Shannon for showing us how.

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Becoming A Generous Leader

Posted March 6, 2022
by admin

Where your pleasure is, there is your treasure; where your treasure is, there is your heart; where your heart is, there is your happiness. – Augustine

A story is told of a mother who wanted to teach her young daughter a lesson on giving. So she gave her daughter a quarter and a dollar just before going into church. “Put whichever one you want into the collection plate and keep the other for yourself,” she said.

When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she put into the collection plate. “Well,” said the little girl, “I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection, the man in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I would be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did.”

At the heart of the lesson is a reminder all leaders need to hear. That the little girl might hold onto the dollar and only give the quarter might not be all that surprising considering her young age. But the expectation ought to be higher for leaders.

As a leader starting out, I’m thankful that I had mentors and other leaders who generously spoke into my life. I’m grateful for their influence and the wisdom that they shared. I’m where I am today because of their generosity.

If there’s ever been in a time in our world for cheerful and generous leaders it’s now. Our world is troubled and broken and in great need of leaders who can make significant contributions to those around them. But where do we start? Here are three simple ways to be a generous leader.

Be a generous encourager

It’s been said that everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. You may not know the battles, the struggles, the stress, the family situations, etc., of those around you. Your one word of encouragement can go a long way in making someone else’s day. It may not seem all that significant to you but it can make their day. Be an encourager.

Be a generous listener

Over the years I’ve come to the realization that I’ve helped more people not by what I ever had to say, but simply by listening. I’ve also learned that I don’t have to “fix” everyone’s problems and more times than not it’s not what people are after. People today want to be heard and have leaders in their life who will listen. Be a generous listener. It can a world of difference.

Be a generous resource

One of the great joys in life is giving. Living a generous lifestyle pays dividends in many ways. I challenge myself daily with this one question – what one generous act can I do for someone today that will add value to them or brighten their day? I do this for people that I know – I love resourcing people – especially with books and find other ways to add value to those around me. I do this for strangers – I like to pay it forward by picking up a check for someone’s dinner in a restaurant or for their beverage at the drive-thru. I don’t mention these things to boast but simply to illustrate that when generosity becomes a lifestyle it becomes contagious and makes the world just a little nicer place.

Final Thoughts

What generous things are you doing to add value to those around you? How might you become a more encouraging leader or a better listener? Our world could use a little more cheer. Let’s learn the joy of being generous leaders.

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The Power of Kind Words

Posted July 2, 2020
by admin

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit – – Proverbs 18:21 ESV

I came across this story that I’d like to pass along to you:

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. “Really?” she heard whispered. “I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!” and, “I didn’t know others liked me so much,” were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last do so.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. “Were you Mark’s math teacher?” he asked. She nodded: “Yes.” Then he said: “Mark talked about you a lot.”

After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

“We want to show you something,” his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. “They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.”

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded, and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.

“Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark treasured it.”

All of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, “I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.”

Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.”

“I have mine too,” Marilyn said. “It’s in my diary.”

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet, and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. “I carry this with me at all times,” Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: “I think we all saved our lists.”

That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

Kind words. If there’s ever been a time when we need to speak and hear more kind words, it’s now. It seems that we are hearing less of them these days. Public discourse has a way of turning sour. We seem to be more concerned about being heard, than listening and understanding.

But all that aside, there is a better way. Taking the high road is an option and it’s up to people like me and you to lead the way.

Mother Teresa said, “ Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier”.

Change is never easy and at times the ship turns slow, but it happens one heart and one kind word at a time.

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Ellen Was Right

Posted October 14, 2019October 14, 2019
by admin

Do things for people not because of who they are or what they can do in return, but because of who you are. – Harold S. Kushner

Ellen DeGeneres and former President George W. Bush made news recently. I am sure you heard about it.

The two were spotted sitting next to one another at a Dallas Cowboys football game. For some reason this set off a firestorm as to why the two were laughing and having a good time together. It somehow didn’t fit the mold of some people’s mindset.

How could a gay Hollywood liberal be laughing and having a good time with the former president- a conservative republican?

I believe the answer is more simple than some try to make it. They didn’t look at one another through the lens of a label. They looked at one another through the lens of friendship.

Like Ellen, and like most of you reading this; we all have friends who are different from us. They hold different political views, religious views, and have different sexual orientations, etc. And I, for one, am thankful for this. Our diversity is not our weakness, it’s our strength.

Speaking about the controversy, Ellen said, “We’re all different. And I think that we’ve forgotten that that’s OK that we’re all different”. She added, “When I say be kind to one another I don’t mean only the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone. Doesn’t matter”. Click here to watch Ellen’s statement about the game.

What Ellen said is a reminder for everyone about the need for civility and is also a powerful lesson in leadership. It’s needed today more than ever.

When I released my first book, Leaders Without Borders: 9 Essentials For Everyday Leaders, back in 2010, I believed so strongly that kindness was one of the essential qualities of leadership that I devoted a chapter to it. In the world of leadership, kindness matters.

In leadership as in life, you will cross paths with people who are different from you. Some will be more difficult to lead than others. The challenges are as varied as people. And as a leader, how you treat people and practice the art of kindness will speak volumes about your leadership. Here are a few reminders worth noting.

Treat people the way you want to be treated

This is a timeless principle. It’s a principle that most people were raised on. It’s time to dust it off and live it. Be that leader.

Take the high road

Getting in the mud with the pig might make the pig happy, but you will only get dirty. Your leadership should be marked by what you do to lift those around you. Be that leader.

Be a defender of good

The morale of your organization is only as good as your expectations. Goodness will only prevail as good people rise up and defend it. Be that leader.

Be an example of kindness

In a day and time when we are as divided and polarized as ever, we need more random acts of kindness and leaders who demonstrate it. Set differences aside and do what’s right. Be that leader.

Thank you, Ellen and George, for reminding us what being kind is all about in a not-so-kind world at times. Maybe this one small act will spark something big. Perhaps Ellen will have George on the show to continue the dialogue. I’d love to be there. And yes, George needs to pay back the $6 for the nachos.

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Three Traits of Pay it Forward Leaders

Posted December 1, 2016
by dougdickerson

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. – Aesop

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church “Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself,” she told the girl. When they were coming out of church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. “Well,” said the little girl, “I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the man in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I’d be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did.”

One of the many great lessons of leadership I have learned over the years comes from Rick Warren. It’s the opening line of his best-selling book, The Purpose Driven Life. It’s a succinct and powerful sentence. It reads, “It’s not about you.” It speaks volumes about finding your purpose and it speaks volumes about your leadership style.

Pay it forward. We hear it a lot and conceptually we embrace it. It makes us feel good especially at this time of the year. But as leaders how are we doing it?

My intent here is not to generate a check- list of “to do’s” like opening doors and saying hello. Not that those things aren’t worthwhile; but I’d rather explore the mindset of a pay it forward leader. Here are three traits.

A leader’s heart

Paying it forward begins in the heart. Before any encouraging word flows from your lips and before anything flows from your wallet in a monetary contribution- it passes through the heart. Leaders who pay it forward are those with a giving mindset and understand that value given is value added.

A leader’s hand

Tangible acts of paying it forward: volunteering, mentoring, etc. are extensions of a pay it forward mindset. Another name for it is servant leadership. John Maxwell said it best,” People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” The hands and heart of a leader are a powerful force for good when it flows out of a heart of compassion.

A leader’s habit

Pay it forward leadership on the surface may come across as “random acts of kindness” to some, but for the pay it forward leader it’s more about a habit developed over time. Over time it’s become a lifestyle, not an isolated event.

As I look back over my thirty plus years in leadership I see a common thread among the successful leaders I know and have met: they are generous, they have big hearts, and they always pay it forward.

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Random Acts of Leadership

Posted April 30, 2015
by admin

Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and actions. – Harold S. Geneen

In his book, Everyday a Friday, Joel Osteen shares a story about a letter he received in the mail one day during his early days of pastoring. It was during a period of time when he was filled with much self-doubt. The letter was from John Maxwell.

Although at the time they had never met, the letter was filled with words of encouragement and hope. “I watched you on television on Sunday and you were outstanding. I’ve got to tell you, you’ve got what it takes,” Maxwell told him. He also shared suggestions and advice on how to be less nervous and how he prepares for when he speaks.

Regarding the letter, Osteen said, “He had forty years of experience, and he was voluntarily pouring it into a man he’d never even met before. He didn’t have to do that. He’d already won. But John understands this principle: True success is when you reach back and bring somebody along with you.”

That John Maxwell didn’t have to write that letter is a given, that he did write that letter speaks to the power of random acts of leadership.

It’s been said that the soft skills of leadership are the hardest. That may be true. Leaders shoulder a great responsibility and results are important. But it’s as leaders understand that unless you get the soft skills right it will always impede your growth and the productivity of your team.

Striking the right balance in your relational skill set is important. You want and expect your team to be productive without sacrificing the relational skills that create the culture you work and thrive in.

Random acts of leadership follows the principle of random acts of kindness. It’s a leadership philosophy that that revolves around the idea that we are all in this together and when we care for one another we all win.

What does random acts of leadership look like? I submit to you that it’s not complicated. Here are a few ways you can show it.

Give unconditionally

The letter John Maxwell sent to Joel Osteen is a classic example of giving unconditionally. It was unsolicited with no expectation of anything in return. It was just an act of generosity that made a difference. Giving unconditionally is a random act of leadership that says, “I get it. I see your struggle, I’ve been there. I believe in you.” And then you act on it.

Listen attentively

Now and then people just need to vent. They may not need you to be their “answer man” but rather just to listen. For all of its rewards, leadership can be lonely and having a confidant to go to can make a world of difference. Your random act of leadership can simply be taking a friend to lunch and being a sounding board.

Connect intentionally

It is incumbent upon you as a leader to connect with your people. Don’t wait for them to take the first steps – you do it. A good leader initiates. Whether you have been brought together with your people by choice or by coincidence, take the first steps to building the relationship. Connecting intentionally is a random act of leadership that seeks to know, relate, and broaden the circle of influence for everyone.

Praise generously

Nothing can demoralize your people any quicker than work gone unnoticed or a team member not appreciated for their efforts. Understand this: People are your most appreciable asset and how they are treated matters. Random acts of leadership –showing appreciation for a job well done, will go a long way in building that person up and boosting morale in your organization. Be generous in praising your people.

These are but a few of the random acts of leadership that will make a difference. What would you add to the list?

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10 Courtesies Every Leader Should Remember

Posted August 30, 2014
by admin

Courtesy – Excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior. –Random House Dictionary

“Everything rises and falls on leadership,” says John Maxwell. He’s right. The temperament of a leader is an important ingredient that goes a long way in determining his or her success. In short; behaviors and attitudes matter.

Too often sadly, we hear the stories of workplace bullying and other behaviors that are contributing to poor morale and working conditions. As a leader it is important to be aware of your surroundings and your workplace culture. Now is a good time to be reminded of simple courtesies that make a difference. Here is a list of ten common courtesies every leader should remember. The list is not exhaustive but is a good place to start. They are in no particular order.

How to say “thank you”, “please”, ‘you’re welcome”, etc.

It should go without saying but these polite yet simple forms of communication are essential words in the vocabulary of every leader. Use them often and use them with sincerity. They are still relevant and meaningful.

Return your phone calls and emails.

How many times has this happened to you? You leave a voicemail or send an email and you go days or weeks without a response. How did it make you feel? Nothing screams “you don’t matter” any louder than the silence of being ignored. A courteous leader will return calls and emails. For a great resource I recommend my friend Dr. Monica Seeley (the Email Doctor) you can find her blog at http://bit.ly/1rF6FAr

The timing of your words

One of the courteous things you can do as a leader is to speak words of encouragement to those around you. The timing of a kind word to a colleague can be just the thing he or she needs to make it through the day or through a difficult time. Be aware of the needs of those around you and don’t be afraid to speak a kind word.

The timing of your silence

As the writer of Ecclesiastes says, there is a time to keep silent and a time to speak. As a leader, there will be times that the best thing you can do is to hold your tongue and not say a word. You can be just as courteous by what you don’t say as you can by what you do say. As a leader you have to learn the appropriateness of the moment.

The value of time

A courteous leader is considerate of other people’s time and knows how to manage their own. Showing courtesy as a leader means that you value and respect other people’s time and won’t waste it. You’ll show up to meetings on time and you won’t waste it on trivial things that don’t matter.

The giving of your undivided attention

On so many levels we are losing the art of being present in the moment. We are losing the art of conversation. The better connected we are through technology the more distant we’ve become relationally. Don’t believe me? Try having a 30-minute lunch with a group of friends without each person checking their mobile device repeatedly. A courteous leader will put away the phone or any other distractions and give others their undivided attention.

How to stay out of other people’s business

Gossip and office politics has been around for a long time. A courteous leader will stay out of it. If it’s not your business then don’t make it your business. If it is your business then use it as a teachable moment to show the proper way to handle it.

How to let things go

Extending courtesies as a leader can be challenging. But one of the wisest things you can do is to learn how to let things go. Don’t be so hell bent on winning the battle that you lose the war. Consider the issue and measure your response. Learn how to forgive and move on. You’ll be happier in the long run.

Keep your word

Courteous leaders are reliable and keep their word. Be slow to make promises and if you do – follow through and do it. Reasonable people understand that circumstances change and things come up that you didn’t anticipate but as far as it depends on you do what you say you are going to do.

10. Be kind

It’s simply stated because it is. A courteous leader is kind, considerate, and helpful to others. It’s the little things you do as a leader that makes a big difference. It begins with common courtesy.

What do you say?

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Leadership Minute: Practice Kindness

Be kind to one another, because most of us are fighting a hard battle. – Ian McLaren

One of the misconceptions about leadership is that once you are a leader you have fewer problems. One of the truisms of leadership is that leaders are no different from anyone else. We all have our share of hardships and troubles. What will separate you as a leader is when you go out of your way to show kindness to those in the battle. Going through the battles of life is not uncommon, but you shouldn’t go through them alone. While it’s not your place to solve everyone else’s problems, you can show acts of kindness and give encouragement. Be the type of leader that has not only open eyes; but also an open heart.

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Five Habits of Remarkably Kind Leaders

Posted January 11, 2014
by admin

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. – Emerson

British statesman and financier Cecil Rhodes, whose fortune was used to endow the world-famous Rhodes Scholarships, was a stickler for correct dress, but apparently not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.

A young man was invited to dine with Rhodes arrived by train and had to go directly to Rhodes’s home in his travel-stained clothes. Once there he was appalled to find the other guests already assembled, wearing full evening dress. After what seemed to be a long time Rhodes appeared, in a shabby old blue suit. Later the young man learned that his host had been dressed in evening clothes, but put on the old suit when he heard of his young guests’ dilemma.

Kindness is not a virtue that is typically high on the list when one thinks of leadership characteristics. Given the recent news of one well known politician it might be time to revisit the topic. Countless stories abound about bullying and dealing with difficult people at work. Unfortunately, these are issues that have been around for a long time and will only continue until more kind leaders step up.

When addressing the issue of kindness in leadership I am speaking more to the temperament of the person who happens to be a leader. Kindness is a disposition. It’s not something you put on and take off like your apparel. To be sure, in your place of business you are more attentive to the disposition that is needed to deal with your employees and customers. So what are some common characteristics of remarkably kind leaders? Here are five for your consideration.

They are considerate of the needs of others.

It sounds sound simple, right? Kind considerations are given when the leader realizes that he or she is not the center of the universe. Kind leaders make the needs and considerations of others a top priority and then execute their actions off of that premise. Yes, the habit is elementary but the payoff can be huge.

They find common ground.

Kind leaders have learned the secret of relational strength. They know that more positive things can be accomplished through kind words and actions than through negative ones. To that end, they will seek common ground whenever possible to fortify relationships. It’s much easier for people to come together through kindness than through adversity. Kind leaders find common ground and build from there.

They are remarkably confident.

This is perhaps where kind leaders are most underestimated. Kindness should never be misinterpreted for weakness. Kind leaders are confident enough to treat everyone with respect. They are kind enough to not allow others to be bullied or treated with disrespect, and care enough to confront when necessary. Kind and confident leaders are the ones you want in your corner and the type you should aspire to become.

They are relentless encouragers.

Kind leaders are encouragers. They know how to speak not just the words you want to hear but the words you need to hear. They know how to get in your head as well as your heart with the encouragement and inspiration you need. They will challenge you to be your best, reach your potential, and care enough to speak hard truths you need to hear. But at the end of the day, they always encourage.

They are game changers.

If bad bosses and bad employees can create negative or toxic work environments that makes it difficult for people to thrive in then I believe the opposite is true. Only kind people can be kind leaders. I believe it’s time for kind leaders to step up, be heard, be seen, be promoted, and be the game changers we need. Call it wishful thinking, call me naive, but I think it’s time we understand that the days of bullying and meanness has not and will not work. It’s time to shine the spotlight on the good and let kindness rule the day.

What do you say?

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