Hope For Discouraged Leaders

Feeling down

If you are alive and breathing, you can still become everything God has created you to be. – Joel Osteen

In 1858 the Illinois legislature- using an obscure statute- sent Stephen A. Douglas to the U.S. Senate instead of Abraham Lincoln, although Lincoln had won the popular vote. When a sympathetic friend asked Lincoln how he felt, he said, “Like the boy who stubbed his toe: I am too big to cry and too badly hurt to laugh.”

If you hang around in leadership long enough and you will know what discouragement feels like.  I’m not trying to depress you but simply stating the obvious. Behind the glittering image and friendly smiles are leaders who face incredible pressures and shoulder responsibilities that can be daunting. Unfortunately, many leaders feel trapped with no one to talk with or vent to due to the “glittering image” that they feel compelled to present to the public.

So let’s be honest. Times of discouragement will come. How you react to it will make all the difference going forward. As a leader, you are not immune from troubles-in fact, you may have more. So how do you keep a proper perspective and come through it on the other side a better leader? Here are three reminders that you need to consider.

You are not alone

Life happens to all of us. It’s not always pretty. As a leader you know this to be true. Disappointments come – you didn’t land that new client, a colleague betrayed you, sales are sluggish – you get the picture.

Here is what you need to know: your disappointment today is preparing you for great opportunities tomorrow. But there’s a catch. It all hinges on your attitude. While bad things can happen to good people; good people turn bad things into great opportunities.

At a young age Walt Disney easily could have been discouraged and given up. He was fired by the editor of a newspaper for “lacking ideas”. He could have taken his rejection and thrown in the towel. But if anything he used that experience to motivate him to greater things – and the rest as they say is history.

So when times of disappoint and discouragement come remember this truth – you are not alone.

You are stronger than you think

One truth I’ve learned over the years is this: you can be defined by life’s moments or you can define life’s moments.  So how do you define life’s moments?  You do so by choosing faith over fear, forgiveness over resentment, and by embracing God’s view of your life over man’s view. You don’t always have control over what comes your way but you can choose your path going forward.

Thomas Edison experienced one of those defining moments in his career. His lab caught fire and was destroyed. All of his work went up in flames. To add insult to injury, his building was under-insured. It was a devastating and defining moment. How would he respond?

“There is great value in disaster,” said Edison, “all our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.” Edison did not choose the fire, but he did choose to define the moment.

Here is the truth to remember: We don’t like adversity and disappointments because we mistakenly believe that we can’t handle it. But I submit that you are stronger than you think and you can overcome any obstacle that comes your way. Are you ready to define your moment?

You are not defined by your past you are prepared by it

Every experience that you go through is preparation for what’s next.  Along the way you have gained valuable experience. Some of it has come easy while at other times you wish you could have a do-over. It’s all part of the learning curve. I’ve been there countless times and I dare say you have as well.

But if you want to move forward as a leader you have to learn to let go of the past – especially the bad, and cut yourself some slack. What’s important is that you have learned your lessons, have peace in your heart, and are stronger as a result.

Discouragement sets in when you see yourself through the lens of a failure rather than through the lens of grace.

Here is the truth you need to remember: you are not the sum of your fears or your mistakes.  Your past is your boot camp and it has prepared you for such a time as this.

Times of discouragement will come. But the good news is- it will pass. Stay strong and be encouraged. You are not alone, you are strong, and you are prepared!

 

© 2015 Doug Dickerson

 

 

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Becoming a Better Team Player

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If a team is to reach its potential, each player must be willing to subordinate his personal goals to the good of the team. – Bud Wilkinson

To highlight its annual picnic one year, a company rented two racing shells and challenged a rival company to a boat race. The rival company accepted. On the day of the picnic, everyone entered into the spirit of the event. Women wore colorful summer dresses and big, floppy hats. Men wore straw skimmers and white pants. Bands played and banners waved. Finally the race began.

To the consternation of the host company, the rival team immediately moved to the front and was never headed. It won by 11 lengths. The management of the host company was embarrassed by its showing and promptly appointed a committee to place responsibility for the failure and make recommendations to improve the host team’s chances in a rematch the following year. The committee appointed several task forces to study various aspects of the race. They met for three months and issued a preliminary report. In essence, the report said that the rival crew had been unfair.

“They had eight people rowing and one coxswain steering and shouting out the beat,” the report said. “We had one person rowing and eight coxswains.” The chairman of the board thanked the committee and sent it away to study the matter further and make recommendations for the rematch. Four months later the committee came back with a recommendation: “Our guy has to row faster.”

We hear much today about teamwork and intuitively we understand its importance. Unfortunately, too many want to sit in the boat and shout out instructions and too few want to row.

Becoming a better team player is an evolving process. It requires continual work and evaluation. Perhaps a few questions are in order to help you gauge your effectiveness as a team player in your organization. Here are a few for starters.

Is my niche still a fit?

Every team player has a niche as it relates to his or her role on the team. It’s important to know what it is. It’s even more important as time goes on to make sure that your growth and the growth of your organization are in harmony. If the team has outgrown you, or you have outgrown the team, then adjustments need to be made.

Do I still have the right motives?

Effective team players think “we” over “me”. If that has changed or you’ve succumbed to playing politics to get your way then perhaps you are not the team player you once were. Team players at heart are selfless and are willing to set aside their personal agendas for the good of the team.

Am I supportive of my teammates?

A good team player doesn’t allow petty jealousies to take root and can celebrate the accomplishments of fellow teammates. Why? Because when one succeeds the team succeeds. Being a good team player is about being a good sport. When you are willing to share the spotlight eventually it will shine on you.

Am I still coachable?

The most difficult player on any sports team is the one who thinks he knows it all and can’t be coached. This type of attitude is drain on the rest of the team. When a team member goes rogue it creates a vacuum that other team members have to step up and fill. So be honest; are you still coachable? A smart leader knows there is still more to learn and a wise leader is humble enough to acknowledge it.

Am I still passionate?

A good team player is passionate about the mission and vision of the organization. Do you still have that ‘fire in the belly” that inspires you to be your best, give your best, and bring out the best in your teammates? That type of passion is what championship teams are made of and is what will see you through adversity and lead you to victory.

Baseball great babe Ruth said, “The way the team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don’t play together, the club won’t be worth a dime.” That is the secret to the success of your team and it’s the secret to your success as a team player. As you commit yourself to your teammates the possibilities of great success can’t be overstated.

Becoming a better team player is about intentionally looking inward from time to time and making adjustments where needed.

Are you a team player?

 

© 2015 Doug Dickerson

 

 

 

 

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Three Difficulties Every Leader Should Embrace

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When we long for life without difficulties remind us that oaks grow in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure. – Peter Marshall

An old woodsman gives this advice for catching a porcupine: “Watch for the slapping tail as you dash in and drop a large washboard over him. The washboard will give you something to sit on as you ponder your next move.”

As a leader dealing with difficulties is not a new phenomenon to you. Workplaces are an ever present source of stress in people’s lives. The American Institute of Stress (http://bit.ly/1i5E7Zs) identified workload as the number one cause of stress by employees followed by people issues, juggling work and personal issues, and lack of job security.

Because you are surrounded by so many people who are stressed it’s important to keep your leadership skills sharp. Difficulties will come to you as a leader. But here are three you should always welcome because in doing so you will be a stronger and more effective leader.

The difficulty of personal growth

You have to take ownership of your personal growth as a leader. Your effectiveness in leading your team hinges on your ability to lead yourself. It’s all too easy to put personal growth on the back-burner; after all, we are stressed ourselves. We have meetings to attend, clients to meet, personnel issues to resolve, deadlines that are looming, and the list goes on.

But no amount of busyness will ever replace your need for a personal growth plan. How can you grow leaders around you if there is no growth in you? Regardless of how busy your life is you need to find the time to read, join a mastermind group, attend workshops, listen to audio CD’s during your morning commute, etc. Conquering the difficulty of personal growth can be a challenge but it’s a non-negotiable if you want to be effective.

The difficulty of forward thinking

The bedrock principles of leadership such as trust, loyalty, ethics, values, communication, etc. are your foundations. They are the principles you stand upon that keep you grounded as a leader. They are timeless. But your effectiveness as a leader also rests with your ability to adapt to your present circumstances with forward thinking.

This can be difficult for a leader because it’s all too easy and much too predictable to stay in our comfort zones. But the comfort zones of yesterday will not always serve you well tomorrow. The challenges are new and different. Business is not just local; it’s global, and the way we communicate is ever evolving. Forward thinking combined with timeless values can position you for the future and the challenges you face. Let your values be your guide but keep an open mind.

The difficulty of building community

Building community is an emotional investment and challenge that many leaders are just not up for. It can be a thankless job. It’s difficult. I get it. But your success as a leader and the successes of your organization are directly tied to a strong sense of community and relationships. And it begins at the top.

John Maxwell says, “Don’t ever underestimate the importance of building relational bridges between yourself and the people you lead. There’s an old saying: To lead yourself, use your head; to lead others, use your heart. Always touch a person’s heart before you ask him for a hand.” When you embrace what is difficult about building relationships it will revolutionize your leadership and your results.

The simple truth is this: people are your most appreciable asset. People are more important than your brick and mortar, product or location. When you get community and relationships right then everything else will fall into place.

Being a leader is not always easy but it’s very rewarding when you embrace what’s difficult. When you do it changes everything.

What do you say?

 

© 2015 Doug Dickerson

 

 

 

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Put on Your “Yes Face” in 2015

teamwork

Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier. – Colin Powell

During his days as president, Thomas Jefferson and a group of companions were traveling across the country on horseback. They came to a river which had left its banks because of a recent downpour. The swollen river had washed the bridge away. Each rider was forced to ford the river on horseback, fighting for his life against the rapid currents. The very real possibility of death threatened each rider, which caused a traveler who was not part of their group to step aside and watch. After several had plunged in and made it to the other side, the stranger asked President Jefferson if he would ferry him across the river. The president agreed without hesitation. The man climbed on, and shortly thereafter the two of them made it safely to the other side.

As the stranger slid off the back of the saddle onto dry ground, one in the group asked him, “Tell me, why did you select the president to ask this favor of?”

The man was shocked, admitting he had no idea it was the president who had helped him. “All I know,” he said, “Is that on some of your faces was written the answer ‘No,’ and on some of them was the answer ‘yes.’ His was a ‘Yes’ face.”

Whether or not you wear a “yes face” is a choice you make each day. Along with it are the consequences of that choice. As we enter into a new year let’s explore a few ways in which a “yes face” can be a difference maker in 2015. Here are four ways.

Say yes to a new attitude

Your attitude is the deal breaker of all deal breakers. 2015 will be no different for you if you do not learn to master your attitude.

As a leader your attitude is contagious and sets the tone for your leadership style and effectiveness. John Maxwell was right when he said, “People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” In 2015 say yes to a renewed attitude that is positive and empowering.

Say yes to new realities

Each New Year brings a new set of realities. Are you where you thought you’d be? Perhaps not.  But 2015 is your year to embrace a new attitude and to right the course. Don’t be discouraged about where you are – it’s only temporary. It’s your starting point.

It’s now time for some honest appraisals of where you are in order to chart the course to where you want to go. Don’t turn a blind eye to your current realities. See them for what they are – benchmarks to where you want to be by the end of 2015.

Say yes to new successes

As you embrace a new attitude and new realities you can then move forward with a new game plan to achieve new successes. 2015 may be your year to bring on that coach you’ve been thinking about. It could be time to join up in a Master Mind group that can help you achieve your goals and help keep you accountable.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” This philosophy is essential to your success. 2015 is your year to say yes to new successes and new opportunities you’ve only dreamed about.

Say yes to yourself

2015 is your year to square your shoulders, hold your head high, and to embrace and believe in the God-given abilities you have as a leader. 2015 is the year to tune out the people who would hold you back by their negative talk and influence. It’s time to cut loose from those who refuse to see your potential and those who desire to hold you back.

2015 is your year to say yes to what you already know in your heart to be true about yourself as a leader so you can run your race with confidence and faith. Where other people have doubted you and have said no to your dreams it’s now time to say yes! 2015 is your year to soar!

Say yes!

 

© 2014 Doug Dickerson

 

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Four Leadership Lessons From Ebenezer Scrooge

scrooge

Hello, Ebenezer, I’ve been waiting here for you… – The Ghost of Jacob Marley

Tune in to most any radio station and you will hear the Christmas Carols. The stores are decorated and the bells are ringing. Yes, Christmas is upon us. Are you ready? Are you in the Christmas spirit?

The festivities and good cheer can bring out the best in people. It’s a time to reflect, give thanks, and give back.

But it’s also a time to look back on 2014 before it closes out and reflect upon your progression as a leader and to make plans for your growth and development going into the New Year. With the help of one such literary character of Christmas we will learn some lessons of leadership that can help you all year.

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is a favorite for many. It’s a timeless story that has entertained for generations. But let’s not overlook the leadership lessons that can be found in the story. Here are four.

Epiphany’s happen for a reason

As Scrooge was preparing for bed he was visited by the ghost of his former business partner Jacob Marley. Marley shows Scrooge the fate that had befallen him due to the way he abused the poor and hoarded his wealth. Marley’s fate was now to walk the earth bound in the chains of his own greed. Marley explains to Scrooge that this too would be his fate if he did not change his ways.

There comes a time in the life of every leader that you must take stock of who you are, where you are, and re-connect with your purpose in life. Your epiphany can be a wake-up call to make some major changes in your life or it can be to reaffirm the course you are on. But regardless, pay attention and heed the warnings.

Not everything that glitters is gold

The Ghost of Christmas Past takes Scrooge on a stroll down memory lane from his time as a young man. He is seen enjoying a Christmas party given by his boss Mr. Fezziwig. But things take a foretelling turn when the ghost shows him a Christmas in which his fiancée, Belle, leaves him because she realizes he cares more about money than her. He then sees Belle several years later on Christmas Eve happily married to another man.

Scrooge was blinded by his love for money and by his greed. It became his identity. It was more important to him than relationships. In leadership the bottom line is not money; it’s people. Don’t mistake your money for power or your influence for integrity. They are not the same. When you are right on the issue of people and relationships everything else will eventually take care of itself.

Words matter

The Ghost of Christmas Present shows Scrooge the festivities of London as well as a sickly Tiny Tim, Cratchit’s son. Upon expressing his concern for the boy, the ghost informs him that he will die unless something changes. The ghost uses Scrooge’s words about “decreasing the surplus population” against him. Presented with two more sick children to see, again, his own words, “Are there no prisons, no workhouses?” come back to haunt him.

As leaders it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and say things that we wish we could take back. I’ve spoken my fair share. How about you? Perhaps it’s time to learn how to pause a few seconds longer before speaking the first thing that comes to mind. How about a more kind and thoughtful approach? Make no mistake – words matter. And you can do a lot less damage with your mouth closed.

It’s never too late to change

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows Scrooge Christmas Day one year later where Tiny Tim has died just as the previous spirit predicted he would. Then the ghost shows Scrooge scenes of the death of a “wretched man” and how some people make fun of him and are even relieved that he is dead. The ghost then shows Scrooge the tombstone- and it bears his name. Scrooge weeps over his grave and begs for another chance before awakening to find that it’s Christmas Day. A remorseful Scrooge repents and becomes a generous man. He visits Fred, gives Cratchit a raise, and takes Tiny Tim under his wings.

To be sure, leaders are human and come with many flaws. But the story of Ebenezer Scrooge is a reminder about the importance of generosity, the value of relationships, and what matters most in life. It’s a reminder about the importance our lives moving in the direction of redemption.

© 2014 Doug Dickerson

 

 

 

 

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Three Locks That Hold You Back

locked

Life has no limitations except the ones you make. – Les Brown

The story is told of master magician and locksmith Harry Houdini on one of his European tours and how he found himself locked in by his own thinking. After he had been searched and manacled in a Scottish town jail, the old turnkey shut him in a cell and walked away. Houdini quickly freed himself from his shackles and then tackled the cell lock. But despite all his efforts, the lock wouldn’t open.

Finally, ever more desperate but completely exhausted, he leaned against the door–and it swung open so unexpectedly that he nearly fell headlong into the corridor. The turnkey had not locked it.

One difficult lesson for leaders to learn is that it’s not always the big stumbling blocks along the way that will do you in. In fact, just the opposite can be true if you are not careful. From the story we learn that what Houdini thought was locking him in the cell was the very thing that would set him free.  Here’s the lesson: at times what you think is the problem is not the problem and the small things you overlook are the ones that give you the most grief.

So what are some of the locks in leadership that will hold you back and keep you from reaching your potential? There are many, but I will highlight three. If you will pay attention to these little things now it can save you a lot of heartache later.

The lock of low expectations

You will only rise to the level of success that you envision and strive for. Your expectations are the measuring rod of your dreams. If you are locked in by low expectations then high expectations will never occur.

But who or what is the source of your low expectations? You must identify and get to the root of your low expectations if you want to turn things around.  Perhaps it’s a lack of confidence in your abilities. It may have been a bad break that you haven’t recovered from. Maybe you bought-in to someone else’s low expectation they placed on you.

Regardless of the source, you must disqualify it of its place in your vocabulary, your mindset, and your vision going forward. You can unlock your potential to growth and success when you remove low expectations from your playbook.

The lock of improper comparisons

One potentially demoralizing habit a leader can do is to get caught up in is the comparison game. You know the drill, “He has more clients”, “She has more contacts”, “He gets all the breaks”, “Her family name got her where she is,” and on it goes.

It’s all too easy to make improper comparisons and allow that to be a source of discouragement and a setback. You are not called to run anyone else’s race but your own. Improper comparisons are a lock that will always hold back so long as you are consumed by the other person and your perceptions of what is not fair.

As a leader you will ultimately have to look inward and upward if you want to be at peace. So long as you allow someone else to be your measure of success then you will always doubt and second guess yourself. Find peace at the end of the day in knowing that you did your best. Unlock the potential of everything that is great about you – not others.

The lock of a bad attitude

Ultimately, your attitude is your deal-breaker. With a good attitude you can unlock all the potential that is uniquely yours to achieve. A bad attitude will keep you locked up in a cell of your own making that will always hold you back.

Do other people sometimes get the better breaks? Do bad things happen to good and honest people? Of course it does. Life is not always fair. But life is made better or made worse by the way you respond and the attitude that you choose.

As a leader it’s time to pick some locks and set yourself free. It’s time to raise expectations equal to your talent – not equal to your fears. It’s time to quit comparing yourself to others and change your attitude.

It’s time to unlock your potential!

 

© 2014 Doug Dickerson

 

 

 

 

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Three Things to Know…About Servant Leadership

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“The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.” – Max de Pree

Over the years there has been a lot of talk and misconceptions about servant leadership. Here’s my take…

  1. Leaders who serve do not vacate their positions of power or authority they validate it. Servant leaders have those positions not because they are power-hungry, manipulative, or selfish, but because they are not. Make no mistake, servant leaders have power and authority, but they’ve learned the secret of how and when to exercise it.
  2. Leaders who serve are invested in the success of their team. They will empower their people with every tool possible in order to ensure their success. Servant leaders understand that when they help others become successful they are successful.
  3. Leaders who serve are relational. Servant leaders are intentional about building relationships in order to gain the trust and confidence of his or her people. When you take the time to be among your people and get to know them, they will see up close what type of person and leader you are. At the end of the day, your people want a leader they can relate to not one they fear.

A few final takeaways…

  1. Don’t throw your weight around – it’s unbecoming of a leader. Serve them.
  2. Be invested in your people and they will not disappoint you.
  3. Know your people and be vulnerable. People like it when you are real.
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A Tale of Three Leaders

Leadership-WORDLE

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. – William Arthur Ward

One of my favorite stories is from John Maxwell. In it he shares about the turkey chatting it up with the bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well,” replied the bull, “why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings? They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch on the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched on top of the tree. But he was promptly spotted by a hunter, who shot him down out of the tree.

The moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Every leader I know wants to make it to the top. I’ve yet to find one that doesn’t want to be successful. Your leadership point of view – how you see your world, will set into motion the realities of your leadership and to a certain extent the success you have. Will your present leadership style get you to the top? Will it keep you there? Here are three style of leadership for your consideration.

The pessimistic leader

This is the leader who always sees the glass half empty. For this leader the next disaster is just around the corner and no one is prepared for it. The pessimistic leader assumes the worst and usually creates self-filling predictions.

It’s hard to wrap our minds around this type of leadership style but it’s one that in some circles exists. The only thing more demoralizing than working for this type of leader is being one. But know this; a pessimistic leader is one by choice. The pessimistic leader is not the only leader to face adversity, setbacks, personnel issues, economic challenges, etc. It comes with the territory. Then what’s the deal breaker? In a word – attitude.

The pessimistic leader’s lid of limitation is his or her attitude. Until this leader drops their pessimistic ways they never make it to the top. Zig Ziglar was right when he said, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” Change your attitude and you will change your point of view.

The optimistic leader

The optimistic leader has an easier path to the top. Why? For the opposite reason the pessimistic leader will not reach it. Optimism is the fuel that drives you and it’s contagious. A healthy dose of optimism will give you and your team the competitive advantage you need to climb your way to success.

But is optimism alone enough or is more needed? Just as you need a dream or a goal to shoot for, optimism alone is not sufficient. You must be awakened to your dream and work it. You can dream all day but until you go to work you are just a daydreamer. You need an optimistic frame of mind that causes you to believe that anything is possible-and it is- but you must channel that optimism through hard work and measureable results.

An optimistic leader expects challenges and is prepared for them. But the optimistic leader needs to know how and when to pivot and be prepared to make adjustments. It’s hard to remain optimistic for long if you are going in the wrong direction.

The realistic leader

The realistic leader knows how to discern the BS, adjust the sails, and make the best of every challenge and opportunity. The leader wearing the realistic hat will tell you the truth no matter how sobering it may be. It may sound something like this, “Times are tough. We’re not where we want to be or should be. We’ve been blindsided, and at times we’ve dropped the ball. We’re going to make some changes and if we will pull together and work hard, together we can turn this around.” It’s acknowledging problems and accepting responsibility with optimism still in place.

The realistic leader walks a tightrope. If the tone is too harsh it can have negative consequences. If the message is not delivered forcefully enough the perception can be that problems are being swept under the rug. But optimism devoid of reality sets people up with a false hope. People need to know what’s optimistically within reach.

A realistic leader’s greatest asset in order to be successful is trust. When people trust their leader to not BS them and give it to them straight, and have their backs, the sky is the limit as to how high they can go.

Which type of leader are you?

 

© 2014 Doug Dickerson

 

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Leadership Minute: Compassionate Leadership

compassion

Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart. – Phil Jackson

No matter what your station is in life; regardless of the title or position that you hold; it all comes down to this underlying attitude. When you can walk through life and leadership with all of its challenges and keep an open mind and a compassionate heart you have achieved something special. When you can keep an open mind to new possibilities and ways of thinking and possess a willingness to learn; you will go far as a leader. When you choose to have a compassionate heart towards others without being calloused by the cares of life; you have grown gracefully as a person. These two traits will always serve you well in life and in leadership. If there’s ever been a time for leaders to model this type of living it’s now. With an open mind and a compassionate heart you can impact your world in a positive way.

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Leadership Minute: Lead the Peace

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Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. – Matthew 5:9 (Jesus)

This is perhaps one of the biggest dichotomies of leadership. Being a peacemaker is often seen as a sign of weakness when in reality it’s a sign of strength. Keeping the peace is about making hard decisions that are not necessarily seen as peaceful. Leadership weakness is found in a passive or casual style of looking the other way and tolerating things that otherwise would be looked upon as offensive. The decisions you make as a leader have consequences. It can please the masses or anger them depending on the day. But that’s a non-factor for the leader who bases his or her decisions on values and principles rather than on what’s expedient. Leading the peace occurs when you apply your leadership skills to make the case for the direction you are going. You can lead the peace or preside over appeasement, but know this; you will not know peace if you choose the latter. My suggestion? Be a peacemaker.

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