About My Altercation At The White House

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Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are. – Stephen Moyer

I believe the time is now right and any concern of repercussions would be covered by the statute of limitations.

It all started innocently enough while on a family vacation. Our tent was pitched at Bull Run in Prince William County near Manassas, Virginia. 

We spent our days taking in all the sights in Washington, D.C. This also included a much anticipated White House tour. 

I was only about 6 or 7 years old at the time. We were queued up in line to go inside the White House and when we arrived at the door to step inside, a guard greeted us. He reached out and patted my head and said, “Hello, curly.” 

At that time, I had blondish-brown curly hair. The only thing I hated more than having curly hair was someone mentioning it.  At the moment, I did not appreciate the “compliment” that he was paying me. I was offended and I let him know.

With all the strength that I could muster, I reared back and proceeded to kick this White House guard in the shin as hard as I could. 

It was not the proudest moment in my young life and more than once I heard about it from my parents.

Photo by Doug Dickerson

I’ve been back to Washington numerous times since and have stopped by the White House to take a picture, but have never been back inside. I hope to again someday, and, if so, I promise to be on my best behavior.

As leaders, we all have choices with regard to the way we handle conflict. You see it play out on a daily basis in your place of work where conflict and tensions seem to always be simmering just beneath the surface.

 

Recent research by The Myers-Briggs Company revealed that managers spend nearly 4 hours a week dealing with conflict on average. 

The research included insights such as: 

  • Poor communication is the number one reason for conflict
  • Nearly 1 in 4 people think that their managers handle conflict poorly or very poorly
  • The more time that an individual spent dealing with conflict at work, the lower their job satisfaction and the less included they felt

In this day and time, leaders can’t afford to be passive bystanders when conflicts are occurring all around them. There are some things that a leader can delegate for the sake of good organizational management, but when it comes to a healthy organizational culture – and preserving it, the ownership of it starts with the leadership.

Final Thoughts

Conflict is never easy but not all conflict is bad. Not every pat on the head is an act of hostility, and not every kick in the shin should be seen as a rebellion. People’s perspectives are different, and that’s why smart leaders are relentless communicators to bring out the best in others, discern the motives, and rally the team to its higher purpose.

 

© 2023 Doug Dickerson

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Leadership In a Word: Scars

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Turn your scars into stars – Robert H. Schuller

A word about scars

In The Odyssey, there is a scene that takes place near the end of the story. Odysseus returns home after many years of wandering. He is in disguise as an old man. At first, nobody recognizes him, not even his wife and child. One night before bed, Odysseus’ aged nurse bathes him. At first, she thinks he is just a stranger, but while bathing him, she recognizes a scar on his leg. She remembers the scar from infancy. Until she saw the scar she did not recognize him.

Hang around in leadership long enough and you will come to know about scars. It’s not something you hear a lot about when starting out in your professional life although you should. We tend to start out wide-eyed and ready to take the world by storm.

But along the way, all the things that you weren’t taught in your MBA classes and elsewhere introduce you to the realities of leadership. Life happens. People disappoint. You experience a few failures. Loneliness sets in. You second guess yourself. Your blinders come off as you’ve been properly introduced to the real world. Can you relate?

But in as much as we can accumulate scars through the school of hard knocks in leadership, not all are the by-product of negative experiences. Often time scars are from tenacity – staying in the fight, not giving up, and persevering in the face of adversity. Great leaders are known for this.

Think for a moment about your own leadership journey. While scars can be painful, you’d probably not be where you are today without them.  

Yet over the years, I’ve seen scars do leaders in – the pain was too much. Here I’d like to offer a word of hope and these reminders.

Scars are a sign of healing

I read something very interesting about scars. It stated, “A scar is a mark left on the skin after a wound or injury has healed. Scars are a natural part of the healing process”. And this is where many in life and leadership miss the process. A scar is not an open or active wound- it’s a healed one.

Sometimes in life and in leadership, we thwart the healing process regarding the battles we’ve gone through. When we hold onto our hurts with unforgiveness, bitterness, or anger, the wound can never heal.

You can be a leader with scars and move on or you can be a leader holding onto wounds.

Scars are a sign of your passion

When you’ve found your passion – your one thing – it will motivate you to stay in the fight when others walk away. It will cause you to refocus your energies. It will keep you up late at night and cause you to rise early. Because of it, you will learn to give up the good to chase after the great.

Years ago in high school, I worked at a garden center. The winter months were brutal. But it was during this time we built the greenhouses and spent those cold days potting roses. Thousands of roses. Our cold and bloodied hands bore the scars of the hard work that went into a prosperous and beautiful spring. Scars were part of the price we paid to enjoy that beauty.

Your scars in leadership prove your passion. They are signs of your willingness to go above and beyond to reach your goals.

As a leader, see your scars for what they are – proof that you have skin in the game and that you will fight for what you believe in.

Scars are a sign of your strength

Whether it’s in your everyday life or more specifically in your leadership role, no one likes the situations that bring scars. They hurt. We feel the sting of disappointment, failures, betrayals, and what about that difficult boss you have to deal with?

Over time, these life experiences don’t just cut us but they can scar us. The question then is about our response. Are we going to let it define us or prepare us? Are we going to get bitter or better? We have a choice to make.

I can look back at some of my most painful scars and see it now from a different perspective that only time allows. While the experience was painful at the time, I can now see where it prepared me and made me a stronger leader as a result.

You haven’t come this far in your journey because you are weak, you are here because you are strong. You have the scars to prove it.

Scar quotes

“God will not look you over for medals, degrees, or diplomas, but for scars”. – Elbert Hubbard

“Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember. To me, they are proof of the fact that there is healing”.- Linda Hogan

“Scars are not signs of weakness, they are signs of survival and endurance”. – Rodney A. Winters

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness” “. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

A final word

Most every leader I know has scars. What about you? Leadership will present you with challenges you didn’t anticipate. You will acquire some scars along the way. But your scars are reminders that you have healed, they are reminders of your passion, and a testament to your strength.

 

©2018 Doug Dickerson

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Four Ways to Lead Through Conflict

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Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. – William E. Channing

French novelist and playwright Alexandre Dumas once had a heated quarrel with a rising young politician. The argument became so intense that a duel was inevitable. Since both men were superb shots they decided to draw lots, the loser agreeing to shoot himself. Dumas lost.

Pistol in hand, he withdrew in silent dignity to another room, closing the door behind him. The rest of the company waited in gloomy suspense for the shot that would end his career. It rang out at last. His friends ran to the door, opened it, and found Dumas, smoking revolver in hand. “Gentlemen, a most regrettable thing has happened,” he announced, “I missed.”

While the way we deal with conflicts has improved, there is still no shortage of conflict. Workplace conflict can be a strong source of stress and your leadership during these times takes skill.

It’s widely known that workplace conflict leads to increased staff turnover and absenteeism. One survey I read stated that 81% of HR professionals had seen employees resign as a result of conflict, and 77% have noticed increased absenteeism, resulting in increased business cost.

What do you think are the leading contributors to workplace conflict? According to a study, the top five causes of workplace conflict were; warring egos and personality clashes, poor leadership, lack of honesty, stress, and clashing values. While conflict in the workplace may be inevitable, ignoring it is not an option. So what is a leader to do? Here are four suggestions for consideration.

Acknowledge it. Until management acknowledges that there is a problem there is no correcting it. As a leader, you don’t need to be the last in the room to recognize what everyone else knows and experiences. How many employees must leave, how much revenue must you lose, and how much abuse do you think your employees must endure before you act? When you identify the problem you can begin to work on solutions, but not until then. Poor leadership was cited for a reason. Don’t add to the problem through omission.

Welcome it. Yes, welcome it! Warring egos and personalities among your people, when properly channeled, can be one of the single greatest sources of inspiration you need. General George S. Patton was accurate when he said, “If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” When perceived threats are removed and differences are celebrated rather than attacked it can be the turning point in creating the company culture that you’ve been missing. Don’t squelch diversity; welcome it.

Elevate it. Now that you have acknowledged and welcomed conflict you can elevate it to a higher level. Rather than allowing warring personalities to be labeled as enemies, bring them together as allies to channel their creative energies for something good. Invest in a training program like DISC to discover personality styles and how to create the chemistry your team needs to succeed. It’s when you respectfully have everyone on the same page, when values are clear, and communication is honest, that you can learn to see the value conflict can have. It might sound risky, but consider the consequences of inaction.

Celebrate it. Leading through conflict will not be easy. It will take honesty to face your conflict and courage to change it. But once you do you can position yourself to be the benefactor of conflict and not the victim. When your employees see each other as teammates rather than adversaries it can be celebrated.  A diversity of thoughts, ideas, and personalities is one of your greatest assets and it should never be destroyed by poor leadership or out-of-control egos. Your workplace should be a place for the celebration.

 

© 2017 Doug Dickerson

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Leadership Minute: Growth By Conflict

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Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. – William Ellery Channing

How nice it would be to grow as a leader divorced from any conflict or discouragement. But that’s not reality is it? Hang around in leadership long enough and you will have your share of difficulties, discouragement and conflict. But the good news is that each of those times of testing are making you stronger and preparing you to lead at a higher level. No amount of testing is ever in vain. Be encouraged as you go through the tough times. You are stronger than you realize!

####

 

If you enjoy reading the “Leadership Minute” you will especially enjoy reading Doug’s books, Leaders Without Borders & Great Leaders Wanted. Visit Doug’s website to order your copies today.

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Website: www.dougsmanagementmoment.blogspot.com

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Doug is available to speak for your business, civic, or church group for leadership development and keynotes. Email Doug at [email protected] for more information.

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Four Ways to Lead Through Conflict

conflict

Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. – William E. Channing

French novelist and playwright Alexandre Dumas once had a heated quarrel with a rising young politician. The argument became so intense that a duel was inevitable. Since both men were superb shots they decided to draw lots, the loser agreeing to shoot himself. Dumas lost.

Pistol in hand, he withdrew in silent dignity to another room, closing the door behind him. The rest of the company waited in gloomy suspense for the shot that would end his career. It rang out at last. His friends ran to the door, opened it, and found Dumas, smoking revolver in hand. “Gentlemen, a most regrettable thing has happened,” he announced, “I missed.”

While the way we deal with conflicts has improved, there is still no shortage of conflict. Workplace conflict can be a strong source of stress and tension and being able to lead through those times is essential.

As reported by Recruitment Coach (http://bit.ly/19V0bUc) the negative impacts of workplace conflict leads to increased staff turnover and absenteeism. Their Employee Development Systems survey found that 81% of HR professionals had seen employees resign as a result of conflict, and 77% have noticed increased absenteeism, resulting in increased business cost.

What do you think are the leading contributors to workplace conflict? According to the study the top five causes of workplace conflict were: warring egos and personality clashes, poor leadership, lack of honesty, stress, and clashing values. While conflict in the workplace may be inevitable, ignoring it is not an option. So what is a leader to do? Here are four suggestions for consideration.

Acknowledge it. Until management, including HR, acknowledges that there is a problem there is no correcting it. As a leader you don’t need to be the last in the room to recognize what everyone else knows and experiences. How many employees must leave, how much revenue must you lose, and how much abuse do you think your employees must endure before you act? When you identify the problem you can begin to work on solutions, but not until then. Poor leadership was cited for a reason. Don’t add to the problem through omission.

Welcome it. Yes, welcome it! Warring egos and personalities among your people, when properly channeled, can be one of the single greatest sources of inspiration you need. General George S. Patton was accurate when he said, “If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” When perceived threats are removed and differences are celebrated rather than attacked it can be the turning point in creating the company culture that you’ve been missing. Don’t squelch diversity; welcome it.

Elevate it. Now that you have acknowledged and welcomed conflict you can elevate it to a higher level. Rather than allowing warring personalities to be labeled as enemies, bring them together as allies to channel their creative energies for something good. Invest in a training program like DISC to discover personality styles and how to create the chemistry your team needs to succeed. It’s when you respectfully have everyone on the same page, when values are clear, and communication is honest, that you can learn to see the value conflict can have. It might sound risky, but consider the consequences of inaction.

Celebrate it. Leading through conflict will not be easy. It will take honesty to face your conflict and courage to change it. But once you do you can position yourself to be the benefactor of conflict and not the victim. When your employees see each other as teammates rather than adversaries it can be celebrated.  Diversity of thoughts, ideas, and personalities is one of your greatest assets and it should never be destroyed by poor leadership or out-of-control egos. Your workplace should be a place of celebration!

What do you say?

© 2013 Doug Dickerson

If you enjoy reading Doug’s leadership insights you will especially enjoy his books. Visit www.dougsmanagementmoment.blogspot.com to learn more.

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