Bullying – Doug Dickerson on Leadership

Take A Stand Against Bullying

Posted October 4, 2021
by admin

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. It’s not exactly the topic we would like to address but until this problem goes away, we are obligated to do so. It’s up to all of us to be aware, speak up, and do what we can to end it.

Read most any survey or story and you will discover that the problem of bullying is not going away. Through our research we discovered some alarming statistics:

96% of American employees experience bullying in the workplace
The percentage of bullies who have been after a specific target for a minimum of one year: 89%
54% of bullies have been bullying for more than five years
62% saw sabotaging of others’ work or reputations as the primary form of bullying in the workplace
51% of employees say their company has a policy for dealing with bullies, but only 7% who are aware of a policy against bullying know of anyone who has ever used it
Bosses make up the majority of bullies

As we read statistics like these, we realize that there is much work to be done in order to end it. Let’s first think about where bullying stems from.

In the animal kingdom, there is a constant struggle to determine the Alpha of the group. This position usually goes to the biggest, the strongest, and the healthiest. The purpose of the Alpha in the animal kingdom is to lead and protect the group. In our modern society, we still need leaders, but the leaders no longer need to be the biggest or strongest. We now follow those who are wise, those who inspire us, and those who we trust. Many individuals long for the power and control that they believe being seen as a leader will provide them. Yet, they lack the characteristics that compel others to follow them willingly. These individuals resort to bullying in order to build themselves up in their own minds and intimidate others into following them.

Our objective here is to lend our voices in raising awareness in hopes that you will come away more informed, and if the victim of bullying to be empowered to take your stand against it. So where do you begin?

Acknowledge it

Many in the workplace tolerate bullying without realizing what it is. Too often, workers pass off bad actions and behaviors from bosses, or others, as that person just being that person. So rather than call it what it is, and not wanting to “rock the boat”, many suffer quietly while bullying goes unchallenged and unchecked. The time is now to stop suffering in silence and for those bad behaviors to stop.

Address it

It’s simply not enough to recognize bullying when you see it or experience it. You must be courageous enough to address it. This can be beneficial not only to you but for the person doing the bullying as well. The research, we cited went on the say, “One of the issues of workplace bullying is that the bully doesn’t actually know how they are being perceived”. The bully may not recognize that his or her actions are bullying and when confronted will stop. If not, then address the issue head-on and the bully will know that you are not going to tolerate it.

Abstain from it

You do not have to participate in bullying; this type of behavior does not benefit anyone. If you have the desire to be a leader, start sowing the seeds of empathy, trust, and respect. Leadership is built on relationships, not fear. Being part of the ‘in’ crowd is not worth devaluing the worth of yourself or others by participating in bullying behaviors. Click To Tweet

Advocate against it

Now that you are aware of it, become part of the solution. Bullies only gain power when others participate either through the support of their unacceptable behavior or fear and dread of their words and actions. You have the power to stand up and advocate against bullying. When we refuse to accept bullying behavior regardless of who bullying and who is being bullied we take away the bully’s capacity to gain power and control at the expense of others.

We no longer live like animals. We do not need an Alpha to take control by brute force. What we need are leaders. Leaders who support instead of sabotage; influence instead of force; and earn respect instead of despising. Every one of us has the ability to take a stand against bullying; to acknowledge it, to address it, to abstain from it, and to advocate against it. If not now, when? If not you, who?

Please follow and like us:

Take A Stand Against Bullying

Posted October 14, 2018October 15, 2018
by admin

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Read most any survey or story and you will discover that the problem of bullying is not going away. Through our research we discovered some alarming statistics:

96% of American employees experience bullying in the workplace
The percentage of bullies who have been after a specific target for a minimum of one year: 89%
54% of bullies have been bullying for more than five years
62% saw sabotaging of others’ work or reputations as the primary form of bullying in the workplace
51% of employees say their company has a policy for dealing with bullies, but only 7% who are aware of a policy against bullying know of anyone who has ever used it
Bosses make up the majority of bullies

As we read statistics like these, we realize that there is much work to be done in order to end it. Let’s first think about where bullying stems from.

In the animal kingdom, there is a constant struggle to determine the Alpha of the group. This position usually goes to the biggest, the strongest, and the healthiest. The purpose of the Alpha in the animal kingdom is to lead and protect the group. In our modern society, we still need leaders, but the leaders no longer need to be the biggest or strongest. We now follow those who are wise, those who inspire us, and those who we trust Click To Tweet. Many individuals long for the power and control that they believe being seen as a leader will provide them. Yet, they lack the characteristics that compel others to follow them willingly. These individuals resort to bullying in order to build themselves up in their own minds and intimidate others into following them.

Our objective here is to lend our voices in raising awareness in hopes that you will come away more informed, and if the victim of bullying to be empowered to take your stand against it. So where do you begin?

Acknowledge it

Many in the workplace tolerate bullying without realizing what it is. Click To Tweet Too often, workers pass off bad actions and behaviors from bosses, or others, as that person just being that person. So rather than call it what it is, and not wanting to “rock the boat”, many suffer quietly while bullying goes unchallenged and unchecked. The time is now to stop suffering in silence and for those bad behaviors to stop.

Address it

It’s simply not enough to recognize bullying when you see it or experience it. You must be courageous enough to address it. This can be beneficial not only to you but for the person doing the bullying as well. In the research, we cited it went on the say, “One of the issues of workplace bullying is that the bully doesn’t actually know how they are being perceived”. The bully may not recognize that his or her actions are bullying and when confronted will stop. If not, then address the issue head-on and the bully will know that you are not going to tolerate it.

Abstain from it

You do not have to participate in bullying; this type of behavior does not benefit anyone. Click To Tweet If you have the desire to be a leader, start sowing the seeds of empathy, trust, and respect. Leadership is built on relationships, not fear. Being part of the ‘in’ crowd is not worth devaluing the worth of yourself or others by participating in bullying behaviors.

Advocate against it

Now that you are aware of it, become part of the solution. Bullies only gain power when others participate either through the support of their unacceptable behavior or fear and dread of their words and actions. You have the power to stand up and advocate against bullying. Click To Tweet When we refuse to accept bullying behavior regardless of who is bullying and who is being bullied we take away the bully’s capacity to gain power and control at the expense of others.

Resources:

Please follow and like us:

Five Habits of Remarkably Kind Leaders

Posted January 11, 2014
by admin

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. – Emerson

British statesman and financier Cecil Rhodes, whose fortune was used to endow the world-famous Rhodes Scholarships, was a stickler for correct dress, but apparently not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.

A young man was invited to dine with Rhodes arrived by train and had to go directly to Rhodes’s home in his travel-stained clothes. Once there he was appalled to find the other guests already assembled, wearing full evening dress. After what seemed to be a long time Rhodes appeared, in a shabby old blue suit. Later the young man learned that his host had been dressed in evening clothes, but put on the old suit when he heard of his young guests’ dilemma.

Kindness is not a virtue that is typically high on the list when one thinks of leadership characteristics. Given the recent news of one well known politician it might be time to revisit the topic. Countless stories abound about bullying and dealing with difficult people at work. Unfortunately, these are issues that have been around for a long time and will only continue until more kind leaders step up.

When addressing the issue of kindness in leadership I am speaking more to the temperament of the person who happens to be a leader. Kindness is a disposition. It’s not something you put on and take off like your apparel. To be sure, in your place of business you are more attentive to the disposition that is needed to deal with your employees and customers. So what are some common characteristics of remarkably kind leaders? Here are five for your consideration.

They are considerate of the needs of others.

It sounds sound simple, right? Kind considerations are given when the leader realizes that he or she is not the center of the universe. Kind leaders make the needs and considerations of others a top priority and then execute their actions off of that premise. Yes, the habit is elementary but the payoff can be huge.

They find common ground.

Kind leaders have learned the secret of relational strength. They know that more positive things can be accomplished through kind words and actions than through negative ones. To that end, they will seek common ground whenever possible to fortify relationships. It’s much easier for people to come together through kindness than through adversity. Kind leaders find common ground and build from there.

They are remarkably confident.

This is perhaps where kind leaders are most underestimated. Kindness should never be misinterpreted for weakness. Kind leaders are confident enough to treat everyone with respect. They are kind enough to not allow others to be bullied or treated with disrespect, and care enough to confront when necessary. Kind and confident leaders are the ones you want in your corner and the type you should aspire to become.

They are relentless encouragers.

Kind leaders are encouragers. They know how to speak not just the words you want to hear but the words you need to hear. They know how to get in your head as well as your heart with the encouragement and inspiration you need. They will challenge you to be your best, reach your potential, and care enough to speak hard truths you need to hear. But at the end of the day, they always encourage.

They are game changers.

If bad bosses and bad employees can create negative or toxic work environments that makes it difficult for people to thrive in then I believe the opposite is true. Only kind people can be kind leaders. I believe it’s time for kind leaders to step up, be heard, be seen, be promoted, and be the game changers we need. Call it wishful thinking, call me naive, but I think it’s time we understand that the days of bullying and meanness has not and will not work. It’s time to shine the spotlight on the good and let kindness rule the day.

What do you say?

Please follow and like us:

5 Signs You Might Be a Bully

Posted October 19, 2013
by admin

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town. – George Carlin

In a Peanuts cartoon Lucy demanded that Linus change TV channels, threatening him with her fist if he didn’t. “What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?” asks Linus.

“These five fingers,” says Lucy. “Individually they’re nothing but when I curl them together like this in a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold.”

“Which channel do you want?” asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says, “Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”

While good organization is needed and commended in your office and place of business – bullying isn’t.

In trying to understand the rise in workplace bullying Shana Lebowitz wrote a piece in USA Today (http://usat.ly/1fYbxKB) and pointed out that according to a 2011 survey half of the employees said they were treated rudely at least once a week. Many said the experience of bullying had caused them to develop health issues such as anxiety and depression. Some had even left their jobs.

Bullying is a serious concern on many levels. Much has been written about being a victim of bullying, but not enough about or to the bullies. Bullying is an unfortunate issue that leaders must recognize and deal with.

Some people may pass off their bullying behavior with “it’s just my personality” not realizing that the person on the other end sees it quite different. What are some of the common bullying behaviors? What are some of the warning signs to look for? Here are five for your consideration.

You are oblivious to your meanness.

It may not be overtly intentional (although it might) but the words you choose and the way you vocalize them can rub others the wrong way. While you may feel you are only expressing the truth as you understand it, it’s not what you say but how you say it that leaves the lasting impression. Choose your words carefully and verbalize them with discretion.

You are a master manipulator.

You work behind the scenes and attempt to orchestrate things in your favor or desired outcome. It may be to freeze someone else out or get what you want by pitting one person or group against another. This type of behavior drives wedges and destroys trust. The philosophy is driven by a jealousy that says if you can’t get what you want then neither will the other person.

You are a gossip and a busybody.

While you may think you are just keeping up with the latest office news you might want to stop and consider the consequences. There is no virtue in gossiping about others and being up in everyone else’s business. If you can’t be trusted not to interfere with other people’s personal business what gives you the right to believe you can be trusted with company business?

You are a control freak.

Similar in style to the manipulator your objective is not so much about the performance of others as it is control. You are overbearing with expectations and demands and it’s simply a way to throw your weight around. If you are a leader who is displaying this type of behavior you only have a following because of your title and nothing more.

You are two-faced.

This is a common characteristic of a bully. You pretend to be one thing in public but are something else in private. You confide to a colleague in private and cut their legs out from under them in public. The end game is that it’s all about you and people are pawns.

Now that a few bullying behaviors have been identified it’s time for some honest evaluation. Have you in the past or are you now displaying any of the above mentioned behaviors? Do you notice that people tend to avoid you at work? Have you taken stock of how you treat others and look for ways to improve your people skills? Would you consider asking for help in identifying areas that need improvement?

Until you take ownership of a bullying past or present then being a bully will likely be a part of your future. Take steps now to stop it. You have a lot to lose if you don’t and everything to gain if you get it right.

What do you say?

####

Additional Resources:

Workplace Bullying Institute: http://www.workplacebullying.org/

Not in Our Town: http://www.niot.org/front

If you enjoy reading Doug’s leadership insights you will especially enjoy reading his books, Leaders Without Borders & Great Leaders Wanted. Visit Doug’s website at www.dougsmanagementmoment.blogspot.com to order your copies today!

Please follow and like us: