Three Ways to Push Back Against Negative People

negative

The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up. – John C. Maxwell

The noted English architect Sir Christopher Wren was supervising the construction of a magnificent cathedral in London. A journalist thought it would be interesting to interview some of the workers, so he chose three and asked them this question: “What are you doing?”

The first replied, “I’m cutting stone for 10 shillings a day.” The next answered, “I’m putting in 10 hours a day on this job.” But the third said, “I’m helping Sir Christopher Wren construct one of London’s greatest cathedrals.”

As a leader it is important to understand how important your attitude is as it relates to your success. How high and how far you go often has less to do with your talent or skills and has more to do with the attitude you have in navigating those skills. Attitudes can lift you or ground you. It’s a choice we all make.

While you may be fine with that scenario you may have more of an issue with other people and their negative attitudes. How do you handle those perpetually negative or toxic people in your office who always see the glass half empty and usually have something negative to say about most everything?

How can you push back against negative people in your life? Is it really possible? For starters, here are three tips to help you learn how.

Hit your personal reset button.

Hitting your reset button is about recalibrating your own set of personal standards. Consider for a moment the type of people whom you have tolerated or have entertained in the past. How many of those were the negative or toxic types? The reason they were around, excluding professional necessity, is because you chose to have them around. Hitting the reset button is about choosing whom you keep and who you cut loose. I will have more to say about that in a moment. Suffice to say; in order to push back against negative people you have to reset your standards and this means making some really important choices going forward.

Choose your inner circle more carefully.

The reason this is so important is that we tend to become like those we most closely associate with. If you want high standards for yourself then you will have to be more selective about those you keep close. That’s not to say you can’t be cordial to all, but you must be more selective with the few you keep close. Your standards are reflected in your associations. Negative people tend to attract negative people in the same way positive people tend to attract positive people. The good thing is that those closest to you will tend to be of the same mindset and attitude. Be careful about who you keep close because they can be the lifters in your life or the ones who drag you down.

Stay above the fray.

Simply put, there are times when you cannot escape the reach of negative people. They are in your office, they sit at the same conference table as you, and they share the same break room. Sharing the same space is not the same as sharing the same mindset. Your positive attitude can make the difference and give hope to those who share your same beliefs. Stay above the fray by staying true to your values. Staying above the fray means that others will have to come up to your level and not the other way around.  When you stay above the fray you are setting a higher standard for everyone.

These three tips all have one thing in common. Did you figure it out? They are not tips on how to change the other person. They are all about the things you can do to improve your own attitude. You can’t change the other person, but you can be a good example to them. Pushing back against negative people is about improving yourself.

What do you say?

 

© 2014 Doug Dickerson

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: Everyday Choices

attitued

The remarkable thing is, we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. – Charles R. Swindoll

The daily choices you make regarding your attitude are important. Each day brings forth a different set of circumstances that can be a challenge to your choice. The attitude you choose to embrace will set the tone for your day and can often make the difference between a good day and a bad one. Choosing a positive attitude in advance of your day can curb disruptions that can come later in your day. Stay committed to a strong attitude. Tune out the negative. Stay positive.

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: Zip Your Lips

zip

The time comes upon every public man when it is best for him to keep his lips closed. – Abraham Lincoln

Leaders are often noted for what they say. After all, leaders are good communicators and as such enjoy firing up the troops with some motivational words that offer some profound encouragement. But, there are times when the leader needs to be quiet. Sometimes saying what’s on your mind could be inappropriate or simply not advisable. Mastering the discipline of keeping your lips closed can save you a lot of grief and preserve your stature as a smart leader. Just because you may be thinking of something “important” to say, it may be more beneficial in the long run to you and everyone else if you just keep it to yourself.

 

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: Convictions and Assumptions

beliefs

You must stick to your convictions, but be ready to abandon your assumptions. – Denis Waitley

As a leader your convictions will serve you well when they are clear to you. But make sure that your assumptions don’t cloud your way of thinking. Assumptions can change with circumstances and are not always accurate. Convictions are core beliefs that remain steady regardless of circumstances. Inaccurate assumptions can restrict your growth and cause you to hold onto beliefs that may not reflect current realities. Convictions give you direction and a way to move forward. While your assumptions are not always reliable your convictions give you stability. Be willing to stick to your convictions and let go of the rest.

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: You Can’t Please Everybody

please

We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public. – Walt Disney

It’s one of the little secrets of leadership that makes a big personal difference. When you come to terms with the fact that you can’t please everybody you will be a much happier person and more focused leader. You will always have critics. But your focus is not on pleasing the critics but in being your best and doing your best without all the stress. Live to make a difference. Be kind and gracious to all. Don’t fret of over the critics. Life is too short and your dreams are too big to let it get to you.

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: Your Level of Success

success

The level of our success is limited only by our imagination and no act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted. – Aesop

What are your dreams and aspirations? As a leader your journey to success begins when you dare to imagine and visualize your success. It’s when you envision your success that you can begin to take the steps of achieving it. Along the way, you must remember that your deeds of kindness are seeds that you plant which will one day come back on you in positive ways. Sow generous seeds in the lives of others. Visualize your own success. Remove any limitations that would hold you back. Dare to dream big dreams.

Please follow and like us:

Five Habits of Remarkably Kind Leaders

kind

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. – Emerson

British statesman and financier Cecil Rhodes, whose fortune was used to endow the world-famous Rhodes Scholarships, was a stickler for correct dress, but apparently not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.

A young man was invited to dine with Rhodes arrived by train and had to go directly to Rhodes’s home in his travel-stained clothes. Once there he was appalled to find the other guests already assembled, wearing full evening dress. After what seemed to be a long time Rhodes appeared, in a shabby old blue suit. Later the young man learned that his host had been dressed in evening clothes, but put on the old suit when he heard of his young guests’ dilemma.

Kindness is not a virtue that is typically high on the list when one thinks of leadership characteristics. Given the recent news of one well known politician it might be time to revisit the topic. Countless stories abound about bullying and dealing with difficult people at work. Unfortunately, these are issues that have been around for a long time and will only continue until more kind leaders step up.

When addressing the issue of kindness in leadership I am speaking more to the temperament of the person who happens to be a leader. Kindness is a disposition. It’s not something you put on and take off like your apparel. To be sure, in your place of business you are more attentive to the disposition that is needed to deal with your employees and customers. So what are some common characteristics of remarkably kind leaders? Here are five for your consideration.

They are considerate of the needs of others.

It sounds sound simple, right? Kind considerations are given when the leader realizes that he or she is not the center of the universe. Kind leaders make the needs and considerations of others a top priority and then execute their actions off of that premise. Yes, the habit is elementary but the payoff can be huge.

They find common ground.

Kind leaders have learned the secret of relational strength. They know that more positive things can be accomplished through kind words and actions than through negative ones. To that end, they will seek common ground whenever possible to fortify relationships. It’s much easier for people to come together through kindness than through adversity. Kind leaders find common ground and build from there.

They are remarkably confident.

This is perhaps where kind leaders are most underestimated. Kindness should never be misinterpreted for weakness. Kind leaders are confident enough to treat everyone with respect. They are kind enough to not allow others to be bullied or treated with disrespect, and care enough to confront when necessary. Kind and confident leaders are the ones you want in your corner and the type you should aspire to become.

They are relentless encouragers.

Kind leaders are encouragers. They know how to speak not just the words you want to hear but the words you need to hear. They know how to get in your head as well as your heart with the encouragement and inspiration you need. They will challenge you to be your best, reach your potential, and care enough to speak hard truths you need to hear. But at the end of the day, they always encourage.

They are game changers.

If bad bosses and bad employees can create negative or toxic work environments that makes it difficult for people to thrive in then I believe the opposite is true. Only kind people can be kind leaders. I believe it’s time for kind leaders to step up, be heard, be seen, be promoted, and be the game changers we need. Call it wishful thinking, call me naive, but I think it’s time we understand that the days of bullying and meanness has not and will not work. It’s time to shine the spotlight on the good and let kindness rule the day.

What do you say?

© 2014 Doug Dickerson

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: Like What You Do

purpose

You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing. – Dale Carnegie

Let me ask you a question. Do you like what you are doing? Chances are that unless you like what you are doing you will not find the success you long for. And if that is the case then you will likely not find the deep level of fulfillment you desire.  Your success is linked to your passions. When you discover your passions and pursue them with all of your might then your success is going to follow. Don’t settle for making a living. Dare to step out and live the life you were destined to live. Live a life of passion and purpose.

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: The Privilege

improve

Leadership is a privilege to better the lives of others. It is not an opportunity to satisfy personal greed. – Mwai Kibaki

This is perhaps one of the key essentials every leader needs to understand. When you exercise your influence as a leader it should be to this end: to better the lives of others. Think if you will of the most influential leaders who have inspired and made their mark on your life. This should be the motive and objective of your leadership. When we commit to elevating others around us and leaving the world a better place we are fulfilling the higher calling of our leadership. Leadership truly is a privilege.  Use it to make better those around you.

Please follow and like us:

Leadership Minute: Refuse to Quit

obstacles

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. – Napoleon Hill

The payoff of your efforts will only be realized when you remain committed to the cause and not give up. Too often we complicate the secrets to success. And danger can be found in oversimplifying it. Here is a formula for success that I think will work: DG (dream or goal) +DH (determination and hard work) +RQ (refusal to quit) = Success. You have to know where you are going, be willing to work hard, and ultimately, not give up if you want to see it come to pass. Regardless of the obstacles you face today stay the course, refuse to give up, you can achieve your goals!

Please follow and like us: