Talking about what you want focuses your mind on the outcome you desire rather than the one you fear and dread. – Valorie Burton

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” – Proverbs 23:7

I’ve been around long enough to know that how we see ourselves and how we talk to ourselves will ultimately chart the course for where we go in life. It’s inevitable and it’s predictable.

You see, your destination is all dependant upon the thoughts you entertain, and what you talk yourself into believing. You will never rise higher than the way you see or perceive yourself. 

In his book, Power of the Plus Factor, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale shares a story about walking through the streets of Hong Kong. He came upon a tattoo shop and was looking at all of the available choices for tattoos in which a person could select. One, in particular, stood out – “Born to lose”. Taken aback, Dr. Peale asked the shop owner why anyone would ever choose to have that saying inked on their body.

In his broken English, the shop owner replied, “Before tattoo on body, tattoo on mind.” And this is precisely what you have to be on guard against as a leader. 

As a leader, you have to be intentional about how you talk to yourself. How you talk to yourself matters now more than ever. This is easier said than done, and so I want to break the process down for you. How you talk to yourself, in part, depends on the following questions.

Who do you allow to speak into your life?

There will be many voices who speak in your life but not every voice needs to speak into it. There’s a difference between those who speak in your life and those who speak into it and the sooner you learn who those people are the better. Click To Tweet Many voices and a lot of chatter take place on the margins of your life. Some of it is unavoidable. But not all of it. 

Action step: Who are you allowing to speak into your life? Are they adding value and helping to move you in the right direction? Who do you need to stop listening to?

What are you listening to?

Our culture in many ways is toxic and divided. It’s red vs. blue, left vs. right, and people find it harder than ever to come together. We’ve lost the art of meaningful conversation and listening that’s coupled with mutual respect. It might be a given, but what you listen to matters just as much as who you listen to if not more. 

Action Step: Think for a moment about what you listen to on any given day. Is it uplifting, positive, inspiring, and motivating? Is it bringing people together or driving the wedge of division further? What can you do today to change or improve what you are listening to?

What do you dwell on?

Of all the voices that speak in your life and into your life, which ones do you dwell on? What conversations and topics do you most find yourself returning to and entertaining? These are the ones that will more times than not be the source for the conversations that you have with yourself. It will always be a challenge to separate what you dwell on from the way you talk to yourself. What your mind dwells on the most is what will take root in your heart. Be careful.

Action Step: In what way can you begin to filter what you listen to and what you dwell on? What habits do you need to change? 

What do you believe?

That you hear many voices on a daily basis isn’t the issue. That there are voices that may try to define who you are and define your worth is not the issue. That there are toxic people and much division around you isn’t the issue either. Ultimately, it comes down to what you believe and what you choose to entertain that will determine the way you talk to yourself and drive the behaviors that come from it. So, let me ask you, what do you believe?

Action Step: How can you better filter the voices that you hear? What one change can you make today that will help you? 

Final Thoughts

It’s been said that the longest distance in the world is from your head to your heart. Be careful and wise about what gets in your head because you don’t want it getting into your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” When it comes to how you talk to yourself as a leader, you must control the narrative.

 

©2022 Doug Dickerson